Judge — 1888 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. SUPERIORITY OF NUMBERS. Fatner—“Why is it you are always at | the foot of your class?” THE GIRL IN RESERVE. TO A FLIRT. When I said that I loved you so dearly, I meant not my love was sincere ; ‘Tis true that I liked you quite fairly, Because you were one of the fair! But had Cora not acted so meanly, In away that I did not deserve, And wounded me sorely and keenly, You would still have been kept in reserve ! So you see now, my dear little vixen, When you scomfally bid me farewell, That the truth, which is stranger than fiction, Tnow have the courage to tell: It was not for your charms that I loved you, But merely my purpose to serve ; So, what care Lif destiny shoved you To fill up the place in reserve! A PRECIOUS PRIZE. Brrt.—* Mose, I hear you had a ticket in der lottery; did yer draw anything?” | Mose—* Yes, I drew my bref.” A LITTLE AMBIGUOUS. Bor—“ Because there are seven or eight fellows who won't let me get up head.” | The optimist, my dear boy, is one who | sees all things with cheerful eye. For in- stance, he reads that Bernhardt accidentally fell from the top of the Vendome column; that Irving got caught between the bump- ers; that Langtry collided with a coal barge on the Thames, and Judic broke her neck stone blind the wate a brig! advert art business? mile he murmur: ing dodge.” Not any. Cash in all your poker chips before come home. SIGNS OF THE TIMES. and does he therefore go into r you I'll admit it is wrong to be roving, ‘To be wooing and still be untrue ; But, I could not live without loving— Pray tell me, whut else can I do As long as the passions pursue me I fear that I never can swerve, And as love seems but sent to undo me, I must still keep a girl in reserve! Now I thitsk that you scarcely can blame me (Tis the only true thing T have said), But if inclined ty defame me ‘Then just put yourself in my st. You were fickle, while I was but jesti You scorned not my spirit to curv You were false—I was merely investing Inthe girl whom I kept in reserve! Yet, perhaps you'll be piqued at th ‘And your pleasure be varied to You may find it not easy to speak wel Of mankind in general again ; Butas you're so awfully pious (Such a trifle should never unnerve), You can scarcely with candor deny us The Lalm of the girl in reserve ! James Jay O'Connet. In the corridor of a theater a near-sighted and awkward spectator succeeded in poking a passcr-by in the nose with his cane. “You're an idiot!” cried the latter, rub bing his nostril. |} The person addressed happened to be also a little deaf, and not understanding, stepped aside and in his blandest manner remarked, ‘After you, sir.” She who takes the last stitch ata quilting will be the first to marry. The only place where this fails is where no young man proposes. Young men would, therefore, do well to ascertain statistics concerning quilt- ing bees before running their heads into the noose. Op Cuestxur (philosophically) —“These patent medicine men are not such fakirs as. most people would have us believe.” Merritt (disgusted) —“That's arrant non- sense, you old fool. What are you trying to gt through you, anyhow?” Lv Curstsvt (unconcerned) —* It is just as I say. Most of them are candid enough to inform the public that their nostrums are ‘skin’ cures.” Hans von Dam smiled all over his face yesterday. “I haf a poycott,” he remarked; ‘«mine vife she gif it to me.” And now we suppose the picture papers will give por- traits of Mr and Mrs. von Dam, too. When Jachne was asked how he felt when he Stood up to be sentenced, he said he didn’t feel at all—it was simply a case of grin and Barrett. SIGNS OF THE SEASON.-—No. 2. What Parents say of ARSENIC COMPLEXION WAFERS! A Ing had to be dune: certalnly her ance have improved wonderfully.” Only Depot, 148 West 18th Street, mother eays: ‘*I was almost afrald toallow my daughter to use Arsenic Waters, but her complexion was so dreadful that some- ‘complexion and general appea comicbooks.com