Judge — 1888 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS JUDGE. 1 SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE. | A NECESSARY CHANGE. Sportsman (a former resident of Canada)—‘I would like to have a little trout fishing before the season is over. Can you advise me as to the best place to go?” Max asour Town (nonchalantly )—"There are some private ponds over on Long Island which youcan lease. The owner used to.charge the club dudes of New York a dollar a pound for all the fish they caught, but they were such poor anglers that he now rents the ponds by the hour.” The Egyptian injunction—mummies the word. ‘Northern capital in the’ South "—Waskington, Nearly every mother is at times a striker on the home base. 2 Arctic exploring projects are in order with the other frauds at the polls. Never ‘(go long” on corn at this time of the year. It doesn’t come up in the Fall. Japanese prisoners are dressed in pink. ‘The pink of perfection” is evidently unknown in Japan. ‘The Russian language contains but thirty-five letters, yet tolook at some of the Russian words you'd think it contained a hundred. Countryaax—‘* How much do you charge for a fortygraf?’ It is reported that Sarah Bernhardt is raising a dimple in her chin. Gracious! how this must PuotocrarHer—‘‘ Fifty cents.” draw the flesh away from the rest of her face! When Mary Anderson sneezed recently, while representing Galatea in the marble, Forbes Robert- son cried out indignantly, “See here, you graven DIDN'T NEED IT. HE TOOK THE SAME. rt i ew Year's day in X, image! that isn't in your lines.”’ Whereupon awrturE DRALER (to lad: | It rained New Year's day in X., and when | image is going Inte housekeeping Cant) Me, Toofal was going home from his last | Mary came down from her pedestal and leaned sell you a nice strong’ rocking-| Call, the host held up several umbrellas and against a fly and wept. It occurred before a * ‘am 2” asked, ‘‘ which one will you take?” iladelphia audience, however, and the applause on i eo od-naturedly) — “Not “Same!” gurgled the gilded youth. was vociferous. just now, sir. My girls are not yet a " old enough to have company.” OUR MEDICAL DEPARTMENT. TOLD THE TRUTH. Mr. Merritt (atend of the act)— ««Excuse me a moment, my dear.” | Mas. Merritt (grabbing his coat-| tails) — Where are you going?” erritt (tearing himself Oh, I'm just going to get SHE WANTED HER MONEY'S WORTH. Mrs. Matarror (handing some 3 homeopathic pills to the hired girl)| ‘The Reliable Indian Rem- on see mee —"Here. Mary, take these things|edy,” a speedy and permanent ““Pond’s Extract”. ig fer red eet nee gore back to the druggist and tell him | dandruff remover. y es i they are fora full grown person. don't sce how you could be so stupid as to bring me these child’s pills.” NEVER CHANGES. Brown (amused)— What makes you carry such a bludgeon of a walking-cane—{t looks like the limb of a tree?” Meraitr (proudly)—‘‘ That's the style now. The latest thing out, don't you know.” Brown (patronizingly)—* You're young yet, my boy; when youget to keep house, like me, you'll soon | see that the latest thing out is gen- erally the hired girl.” * Caw’s Painless De- Guzzel’s World Renowned atroyer quick and cor Dee Law’s Positive Skin Cure.” _ self-treatment for dryness of the : : throat, etc. MILLER’S HOTE 39 & 4x West 26th Street, New York. $2.50 per Day. ’ —sf Turkish, Electric and Roman Baths, and Massage. %._ Gen4 for Circulars comicbooks.com