Judge — 1888 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

8 ————— CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. Glucose is made from linen rags. When a girl is clothed in purple | and fine linen she | should be “too sweet | for anything.” | * Socrates drank hem- lock and killed himself. In these days men drink no end of tan bark in | beer and thrive on it. And yet some hygenic cranks insist that the | race is deteriorating in physical endurance. William D. Howells says that no woman | can live in the same house with a genius. We have twenty-five | years of experience to the contrary. i “Dere’s watermillions | in it,” cried Blackberry | Sellers, as he clomb over the garden wall. MRS. JONES'S PATENT REGISTER ATTACHMENT, FORCE OF HABIT. oe Customer —* What have you this morning?” Watter—"' Reefsteak and shad ; shad all gone. What'll you have?” MET THE REQUIRE. MENTS. “I say, Gawge Wash- | in'ton, did yes do what yer wife tole yer when she died, two weeks ago las’ Wen’sday ?” “What's dat? You mean 'bout berryin’ dat er weddin’ ring wid er in de coffin? In coorse, I did. Does yer tink I wouldn’t?. Eh?” “Yer sho’ dat yer did, Gawge?” «Wha, I did jiss de same. I hoc de ring an’ put de ticket in de coffin.” One of the foreign exchanges speaks of an exasperated crowd throwing a wife-beater into the river Mersey. This is the foreign idea | of tempering justice with Mersey, A SEASONABLE PASSION. “I adore you so,” said a sentimental girl, putting her arm around her lover's neck, “that love in a cot- tage with you would be happier for me than in a palace with any one else.” “T guess it would be,” was the unromantic reply. “But you must remember that love in a cottage comes pretty high this time of the year.” A concern in Brooklyn, Z| detected in coloring pickles ;|with arsenic, puts in a de- fence that they are coined exclusively for Southern cir- culation. Some people seem to think that a water-melon- subsisting community can standanything. This wicked and adulterous firm should be prosecuted, unless it gives bonds not to sell to any one except Sunday barge excursionists. One of our funny ex- changes has a superfluously long name, Saul was the St. Paul Herald, as we re- member him when we reported that big thunder- clap for the Damascus Blade, | Saul is as good a name for a paper as is Sun. Base-Ball Professi on als are scriously advised to | spend the off season in Can- ada studying small-pox. It |is evidently the champion catcher. A poet asks, ‘To what star shall I direct the aerial bark of my fancy?” The dog star would not be bad —especially for a bark. When a man remarks pa- thetically that he is undone, itisa declaration to the effect that he is too fresh. MRS. JONES'S PATENT 5 fie="Tre not been drinking to Mrs, Smith across the way. Suz— What! in such a eta! REGISTER ATTACHMENT. it has only registered three?” ic}: 1 only lita cigar and bowed twice ‘an't get drunk on that, can yout” Lady on 37th Street, writes: “Have just returned from the count ‘ear, * Your wonderft try reEiinc srtexotpLy, and my friends ful Arsenic Waters are the cause of A Youthful Skin and Complexion. 7 seai2sssiy os ie oes in your taore boxes "Only depot, x45 West s6th Street, New York comicbooks.com