Judge — 1888 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. ILLUSTRATED “AD.” “Wantep—An experienced draughtsman.” IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. A benevolent gentleman, who was always ready to help the deserving, had his atten- tion called to an organ-grinder who bore a placard stating that he was blind and par- alyzed. Said the gentleman, “ You have fallen on evil days, my poor man.” “How's that?” interrogated the disciple of Handel. “You are pretty badly shot,” interpreted the would-be philanthropist. ‘Yes, rather.” “You seem to have been particularly un- fortunate.” “*So-so,” returned the philosophic grinder; “but it might have been worse. If my arms had been paralyzed instead of my legs, I would have to learn to write visiting cards with my toes” A couple was married with great eclat and abandon on the fair ground near Syra- cuse, N. Y. It is hoped that having been married on fair grounds, they may not be put out and divorced on foul. ILLUSTRATED “AD.” “An old gentleman (tired of his present residence) will exchange for a smaller house and a fire escape.” 1 ILLUSTRATED “AD.” “A colored gentleman will exchange a lot of poultry that he has on his hands for a good shot gun.” Lydia Thompson was born in February, 1836, and with the trifling addition of a smile or two has stuck to the same style of | clothes ever since. ILLUSTRATED PERSONAL. “If the party who found the door-plate will return the plate he may keep the name.” IN THE BRINY. | ‘The breaker rolls in with a wicked design, And keels a girl-bather right o'er on her spine; While she picks herself up from the water to run, And remarks, I've a surt-cit of this kind of fun.” ILLUSTRATED “AD.” “Herp Wantep—Able bodied men pre- ferred.” ILLUSTRATED “AD.” “ Wantep—Small boy to do work outside of real estate office.” “Mrs. Chief-Justice Waite writes from London to a friend in Washington that the Judge is growing younger daily.” Mrs. coy W. is quite right. Itis not weekly, but daily that Tue Jupce is adolescenting, so to speak. Dr. Sigmundy, of Vienna, who published a book of directions for climbing the Alps with safety, has tumbled off one of ‘em— Alps, not books—and broken his neck. He ought to have instituted this test of his theories before publishing them. It was a touching and daring act of affec- tion, when those poor little boys in Omaha who hadn't any presents to take to a wed- ding of a dear friend, broke into a church and carried off the communion service. Chance for the poets and Sunday-school book makers, Becky Suarrer—‘‘I suppose you have heard of my marriage?” Ovp Acquaintaxce—“ Yes; and I con- gratulate you. You have a protector now— what ‘every girl in your situation ought to ave.” B. S.—‘Oh, I wasn't thinking of that, I married for revenue only, though, of course, I don't object to incidental protection.” ILLUSTRATED “AD.” “A party confined to his room would like some light employment to occupy his mind.” RED NOSES CURED, ste?mast cseitia.isth DEPOT, 146 West 16th Street, New York. friends ridiculed what they were pleased to call my ‘champagne nose.” removed the unnatural redness.” comicbooks.com