Judge, 1888 · page 13 of 87
Judge — 1888 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains four separate satirical pieces from Judge magazine: **"The Sunday Papers"** mocks newspaper editors obsessed with circulation—Old Golddust's secretary reports the paper is filled with "wants" and "personals" ads and self-promotional editorials, leaving no room for actual news like railroad accidents or the Greco-Grecian war. **"She Would Not Cage the Birds"** is a humorous poem about a woman who refuses to trap birds—the punchline reveals she wears dead birds as decoration on her hat, making her animal-loving principles hypocritical. **"A Priori"** satirizes romantic infatuation based on superficial observation: a man falls in love with a woman he's never seen, basing his devotion solely on her small hat worn at a theater. **"Mistakes Will Occur"** depicts a farmer whose squeaky boots need greasing—a simple domestic mishap. The overall theme is human contradiction and foolishness. The page is typical Judge humor: wordplay, ironic twists, and gentle social mockery targeting vanity, hypocrisy, and absurd logic.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. THE SUNDAY PAPERS. SHE WOULD NOT CAGE THE BIRDS. She would not c: Too great her She loved the rose too well To pluck it from its stem. Flowers were not born to die Just as their joys begin, Nor birds to fold their wings, By prison bars shut in. She would not cage the birds ; Ot Goxppvsr (to his private secretary) —“ Well, Charles, what's in the Brag this To her it seemed a morning?” She would not cage 1 Cuartes—* Sir, there are ten sheets of ‘wants,’ fifteen sheets of ‘personals,’ and a Het deeds but) prove: her wards, — nee * . ‘ Too tender heart for that ! ten-column editorial on the circulation of the Brag; also saying that there was no - . f 5 i . She would not cage the birds— space for the railroad accident or the Grecian war, which would appear in Monday’ 8} She wore them on her hat! Brag.” A PRIORI. MISTAKES WILL OCCUR. Impressible? Perhaps I am, In love? Well, hardly that ; and yet I would indite an epigram Toone I never shall forget. Handsome? I have not seen her face. Her voice? Its tones are strange to me. Still I believe that every grace Dwells in her in epitome. I base my faith upon one thing, And argue from analogy. Her hat was small ; and thus I sing. I sat behind her at the play. J. A. apron. “That look doth pain me, dearest. Our parting is but for one brief day.” “Yes, me heart would fain be content, but—” «What then, fair one?” “*T fear me mother’s wrath.” «The cause, angel of my existence? Me life is at your call!” “Your paper collar’s busted, andmamma| Farstzr—“ By jiminey! How these yere boots do creak! I'll have to grease ’em is so suspicious !” up a little, I guess.” Tp? DT 39 & 4a West 26th Street, New York. $2.50 per Day. MILLER § TE ’ _-€ Turkish, Electric and Roman Baths, and Massage. x Sena for Circulars. comicbooks.com