Judge — 1888 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ah, excuse me. Have zat, Strauss? One of your own? Thanks.” “ Bolitics,” said Strauss, as he pulled fiercely at one of his own habanas, ‘vas a drade yoost like any oder drade. Uf you dond belief it you ask dem fellers dot got draded off for Hewitt.” I nodded and he resumed. 1 Nopody gotany vot you call issue. Nein, uf you vas plind unt vote at midnight in a dark cellar it makes no deefrance. Der country vas safe all der time. Brin- ceeple vas allgone. Uf you vote one barty or anunder, von you come out for der same hole in der fence oder you know it or not. Dot oxcitement unt speeches unt prass bands—say uf I got some stale peer you see me pump it like der tuyvel to make it foum unt holt der glass avay down py der floor, unt don't you forgot it, | makes an issue mit wind, aint it?” I noddedand Strauss con- tinued. « Dere vas only two kints of men in bolitics—de mans dat buys votes unt der mans dot sells votes, unt dey both got sheated like der tuyvel.” “Ah, you are too. hard now, Strauss,” I said. “There are good men in all parties who vote from principle.” “Dem don't count,” said Strauss. ‘You buy ten pounds of sugar how much yougot to pay for der prown paper unt string?” “Why, nothing, course,” I replied. “Oxectly, unt dem good of paper unt string to carry home sugar for der boliticians. lisden to mine ophicleide. I. cards to blease der shildren.” “You take a dark view of politics, Strauss. You forget that a man must be true to his constit- uents,” I said. “ Vas ist das con- stootiwince? You mean dem _ fellers dot elect him?” “ Yes, he must re- gard the wants of the party that elect- ed him.” “Ha, ha, ha!” laughed Strauss. “Dot's all right. You baed he Been drue to his con- stootiwince den. Uf a man’s bocket- book been his con- stootiwince,hebeen drue to it effery time, mine friend, ha, ha, ha.” “You are bitter, Strauss, very bitter on the subject of politics.” “ Mine frient, you see dot shlate. You and take Tramp (in Buffalo\—" Lor) howtiredIam, I've walked all the way from Chicago and haven't hada good snooze since I started. I'll jess climb in here THINGS FROM JUDGE. A PALPABLE HIT. Miss Farr—" Now, Mr. Mundogsky, as you are a painter and an admirer of the beautiful, you must admire my friend, Miss Rose ? Menpocsky—-**Ah! but we painters admire only the real beauties in nature, and Lain told that your friend paints those charms we are told to admire.”” Miss F—Itis a gross slander, Lassure you. I have known her for years, and she no more paints than—you do.” brinceeple fellers vas yoost prown You Jey vas trowed in like advertising “*Lovely?’ No indeed! A SWEARING MATTER. Friday, A.M. “Holy smoke ! be blowed if I ain’t back in Chicago!” one. Well, that takes the cake, see mine dog Keyser all proke oop. Yousee Lowesa in der pack room mit der cerebro mental spiningitis. Dots all dem election oxcid- ements, unt I furnish der peer for der whole ward. Vot I got? I got oxperience, dat’s vot got? Dem brom- ise me an office on der shtaff of der bostmaster-sheneral mit a horse to ride. Py chiminy! | ain't seen von of dem boliticians since dey vas kick oud my vinders election night. I'got lager peer unt sweitzer-case unt bologna unt pretzels, unt now I got oxperience. Dis peen der shop for all dem articles. Goot night.” THE OLD PROFESSOR. NOT SO GOOD, AFTER ALL. Bitkins—“Bickley is very angry with you. He says you have been making re- marks about him that have injured his good name.” Bagley—* Indeed?” Bilkins- "Yes; he priz his good name very highly Bagley— He does? Well, I don’t. Ihave it on three notes and have learned not to prize it at all.” MEN ARE SO SELFISH! “ Why sosilent, George?” she asked. “T just saw a shooting star and didn’t want to speak until I wished something,” he said. “You're just as mean as you can be! Why did you nottell me and thenwe could both have wished together.” A MIGHTY CHANGE. “, grandma !' don't you think my dress is perfectly lovely ?” When I was a girl we used to have our dresses but- toned up to our necks and one but- ton on our gloves, but now they have their gloves up to their necks and one button on their dress.” ANEWINDUSTRY Jones —"“Say } who is that mag- nificent girl with the diamonds you just bowed to?” the cashier? ” Brown—' No, she rides the bicycle and pitches in the base-ball club for their photos.” Question—Are the buttons of the bathing-dress made small and the but- ton-holes large on purpose? Tu comicbooks.com