Judge — 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. MICKY'S REHEARSAL. POLICEMAN SKULLY AT HOME otticer, me son. Now phlay Oi wa an’ youse mek me move on.” “Shure it's you that'll _mek th’ foine tramp on a binch af the City Hall Parruk, Micky, WITH ENTHUSIASM —‘* Move (whack !) on out o! thot!!!" EDUCATION IN THE RURAL DISTRICTS. Young joshua Grimes has quit teaching the Wild Goose Pond district school, and learning languishes there for the present. The school directors of the district at their last meeting resolved that more progressive ideas were needed in the mental training of Wild Goose Pond’s rising generation, and so set ten dollar-a-month home talent aside and hired’ genius at six- teen dollars a month from the county seat. Young Joshua you mowt, cud, wudder, shudder ben doin’ of it an hour ago, an’ you jist mosey right out thar an’do it! Conjergatin! Wa dunno nothin’ ‘bout grammar, but w’en I git through gi that new teacher a lesson t'morrer he'll think he’s ben con- jergated by a ten-hoss power cider mill, ‘nless I’ve forgot my A, B,C’s?” As Farmer Nye was seen going toward the school-house next morning, and as young Joshua Grimes was observed, Grimes was the genius. Farmer Meshellum Nye is a leading taxpayer in the Wild Goose Pond district. Farmer Nye is an easy man to get along with, but is a little set in his way. He matriculated un- der the methods of Wild Goose Pond home talent of a genera- tion or so ago, and was a trifle shy of the new system of edu- ation introduced by the pro- gressive directors, buthehoped forthe best. His rosy-cheeked daughter Sallie is one of the district's scholars. One even ing, shortly after the new teacher from town had_taken charge of the school, Farmer Nye sat by the sitting-room fire-place, whittlfng a corn- husker out of a hickory stick. Sallie sat near with a book. “Wi'at ye readin’ of, Sallie?” said her father. “Steddyin’ grammar, pap,” replied Sallie. “ Be, hay ?” said the farmer. “That's one o’ them idees 0’ the new teacher, hain’t it?” ANOTHER CHAMPION. “Hey, Jimi fur parlor skatin’? “No, Ididn’t. It’s a champion medal ; I can spit further dan any man in de ward!” s,where did yer git der medal * cook. STYLE IN HARLEM. GroGan (entering Miss Grogan's boudoir|—"* An’ me buntin’ th’ shanty high an low fer me umbrelly 1” “Yes, pap.” “How ye gettin’ ‘long with the new teacher, anyhow?” said Mr. Nye, scrap- ing his knife over the hickory. “Oh, fastest kind,” replied the student. “We're clear into grammar a’ready, ye see.” “Grammar, hay?” said the farmer, “How does it go?” “‘Wall,” said Sallie, “ teacher tells me to stan’ up an’ conjergate, an’ I stan’ up an’ say, “J love. you love. fe loves; I mowt, cud, wudder, shudder loved, you mowt”- “You, Sal! Hol’ on thar!” exclaimed Farmer Nye, throwing his knife and hickory on the hearth, and grabbing the “You love an’ he loves, hay? an’ ye mowt, cud, wudder, shudder loved, hay? I know’d th’ was sumpin’ skeery "bout this new fangled teachin’! An’ that’s grammar! That's conjergatin’! Wall, I can’t wash, nor he can’t wash them dishes out there in the kitchen, but later on, to leave the school- house by a window, regard- less of the sash, and to fly wildly across country in the direction of the county seat, it is thought that the farmer con- vinced him that his system was not suited to Wild Goose Pond and that was the reason he gave up the school. DIDN'T WANT THAT KIND. Customer— \'ve got a sore back, mister, and I want th best kind of plaster you've got. Drug clerk (exhibiting it)— “‘How would one of these porous plasters do?” Customer—* Well, if you've got a porous plaster without them holes in, I'll be darned if I don’t try it.” EVIDENTLY A FULL DRESS AFFAIR. Bagley—" You say the birds were nice. What kind of dress- ing did you have?” Bailey—' None at all; there were ladies present.” Actress—‘ Any letter here for me from the crowned heads of Europe?” TICKET SELLER -‘*No, but there are forty thou- sand for you from the bald-heads of America.” comicbooks.com