Judge — 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

COMPARATIVE SINS. ES, I wus at chu’ch Sundy. Sis! Chahlotte?” “No; dat wiite ‘oman nebbah got my new princess dun, an’ I war'n’t goin’ dar in ole close.” “Well, yo’ orter been dar.” “What fo?” “Cause dey sot 'CindyJohnson back in de chu’ch, ‘hine all de'sistahs. She can’t sing ner pray; neidershout ‘twell way yonder arter C’rismus.” “Um—um, my Lord! happen? Whut she dun?” Wus yo’, How dat “She ’mos’ cussed.” **Oh, my! yo’ don’t say. But I nebbah did hab much faith in Cindy's ‘ligion—she wus jis three days a mo’ner. Whut wus hit she sed?” “She wus settin’ up dar ’hine de stove by Sis’ Ca'line Day an’ she tookin’ whispa’hed out sorter loud while Caleb wus preachin’: ‘Sis’ Ca'line, dinged ef Lain't gwine toe hebben.’ An’ Caleb heered ’er, an’ tuhned ‘roun’ an’ ax whut she said, and she took an’ tole um, ‘Yes, she did say ‘hit. an’ she gwine to say hit ergin when she wanter.’ An’ den he called up de deacons an’ sot her back right dar.” “Caleb am de bes’ pasture evah we is had, Whut he dun wid Ella Scevel ’bout dem close she took an’ stole?” “Oh, dey gin her de improvement ob de chu’ch.” “Why? Wut’s dat?” “Tolchershemus'n’ bring approach on de chu’ch, an’ nex’ time she want anything white fokeses is got, toe wait twell it wus good dark "fore she went ater it.” “We've gotderight * pasture at las’, Sis’ ‘Liza. De goats ull cum outfrom de sheep now. Les’ gib himer fesserval on the nex’ light er de moon.” “Yes; we oughter hole up his han’s.” “Good bye, Sis’ Charlotte.” “Good bye, Sis’ "Liza, an’ t’ank God.” _ to float the boat.” HANDY TO HAVE AROUND. Miss Roxteau—" Won't you please jump up and down a few times, mamma? Jack and I want SPOKE FROM EXPERIENCE. “What is the most dangerous kind of lightning, pa?” asked little Johnny inquisitively; “streaked or forked?” “Neither, my boy,” gravely replied old Brown, nursing his head; “the worst I know of is the Jersey.” “Clara Belle” tells of a very old man who kissed two young girls and immediately remarked, * Jennie, you wear thick under: clothes and Marie doesn’t.” The girls were indignant until the old man explained. ‘I know,” he said, “because Maric has a cold nose and Jennie hasn't.” And yet they say it is possible for a man to get so old as to be in his dotage. BEYOND REDEMPTION. “Drinking intoxicating liquor is a very poor thing, my good man,” sermonizeda pious old lady. “Even asa stimulant, the effect lasts only for a moment.” “Just so, mum.” replied the old toper. “That's the reason I have to drink so often, you know.” ‘DON'T LIVE THERE. Lawyer—"Now, you say you've known this couple for years?” Witness—* Yes, sir.” Lawyer—* them quarrel Witness—“ Never.” Lawyer — "They've always lived together in unity, eh?” Witness—" No, _ sir; in Swampsville; about four miles from Unity.” WHAT HE LIKED. Wife—*Jobn, you don’tlike high bonnets on me, do you?” Husband—* No.” Wife—" How high?” Husband—“ Not to exceed four dollars.” It is alleged by a statistician that wid- ows are more likely to die than widowers; but we observe that widows outlive their husbands almost 7s a hundred to one. The widows of sev- en ministers attend the same church in Des Moines, Ia. Wedon't know what the minis. ters have been doing— and then again there may have been an ex- tended epidemic. comicbooks.com ’