Judge — 1888 — page 50: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE BOUGHT IT. GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. GeMax Art imporTeR—" Now dere is a Creechen garten scene dat Hans Markart painted for me on order last mondth.” Ciicaco ConNotsseur—“'I thought he was dead.” IuronTen—-**So he is, and you can it is for him to paint now. You can THE PRACTICAL SIDE. “You should try to conquer this taste for strong drink,” said a “Tt will bring you to a bad end, and the saddest thing in this world is for a man to die poor.” “Come off!” irreverently replied the hardened sinner; ‘that temperance advocate to a tramp. ain't half as bad as to live poor.” THIS WAS TOO MUCH. Mrs, O'Cash of New York—* Lionel, you are paying altogether too much attention to that Miss Hummer of Cincinnati. displease both your father and me exceedingly if the contingency arose which should result in unit- ing eligible corner lots in Harlem to mere lard and bacon.” Lionel— Mother, you do the young lady an_ injustice. Her father is one of Cincinnati's most respected bankers.” Ars, O'Cash (pawing the air for her viniagrette)—* Great heavens, Lionel! what are you thinking of? 1 command you to cut short your relations with the—the— person immediately.” FROM OUR FRIEND THE ENEMY. “Some of the best men in the country are journalists,” says the » Woman's Journal. Thanks, dear. It is a long time since we have met anything so strikingly cor- roborative of our own views. Noting that a woman’s life wus recently saved by the woman's bustle, the Cincinnati Graphic- News says, “We never believed in bustles before.” Well, if she wore it that way she must be a very curious woman, that's all. The violinist is always up to his chin in business. Ys, imagine how much more tificult af it for fife tousand, His next vill sworn off.” with m me oath, by gosh T would!” Bar-rooM LOAFER—** No, thanks. GENTLEMAN CUSTOMER—“ Why, confound it! A SUGGESTIVE HINT. Ihave a pledge in my pocket. T've I didn’t ask you to drink Bar-room Loarer—"I know; but if you did I'd be tempted ter break IT WAS CRUEL WIT. A man on a railroad trai! “Hah It would from New York, are ye? A NARROW ESCAPE. WwPRed fiph— *Tunderstand you are going to get married, , Yes, toa most charming girl; Miss Marie Mimosa.’ Mimosa! Why that’s the young woman who just won $1,500 of me for damages in a breach of promise suit.” Dk Jors—*Guess you're right. I know she said she expected that amount from a relative she lost lately.” said to a fellow-traveler from Horse- shoe Corners, “Well, that is one of the places I n ver heard of. ” was the reply, in an extremely sarcastic tone, “you're Well, that is one of the places I ‘never heard of.” This twenty years ago, and ever since the Story has been regularly told at the Horseshoe Corners grocery, in a cold, freezing tone of em- phasis, as the best specimen of biting sarcasm ever known. The result of the coal strike leads me to b’lieve that a walkin’ delegate gathers no moss, an’ that a job in the hand is wuth two in the control of the central committee. MADE ONE HOME RUN. “How many runs did you make to-day, Jimmy?” asked a boy of a member of the New York club-breakers. “Forty-four.” “Any home runs? “One; me mudder got there in de fif innings.” HIS LITTLE JOKE. “Say, pa,” said little Johnny, “why is a gambler always think: ing of the day of judgment?” “You get right up to bed!” cried old Brown, hunting around for his chesnut bell. “Because,” yelled Johnny, dodging his sister's new doll, “he is always waiting for the last trump.” comicbooks.com