Judge — 1888 — page 49: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. 47 MR. GRAP'S PHI- LOSOPHY. Jes arter er boy gits outer college he kan't hardly realize that any- body. ‘sides him ever did git er diplomer. Inever see but one woman as was able to keep er secret. She was deaf an’ dumb an’ hedn’t learnt how to write. I's my idee thet ef yer happen to hev er child or er dog thet takes to strangers, ‘taint hardly — worth while raisin’ it. I don’t take no stock in er young man thet's allers whistlin’ hymn tunes. Like es not he's figgerin’ out the com- bination of the safe. Times ain't never bin so hard as they be jest now, an’ thet has bin the case jest as fur back es history kin recollec’. When er man ‘lows thet he’s got to meet er couple 0’ friends in ersaloon you kin gam- ble onto it thet them friends is named Tom an’ Jerry. Ef I ever run across er youngish parson thet haint got a idee thet the most o’ the women in the congre- gation is in luv with him, off-hand. Sue—* Oh, Clarenc not for my wealth! Vl hire him WITH ALL HER FAULTS I LOVE HER STILL. It’s true she writes a scrawley hand, Puts in two “ts” where one would do, And spelis “ dog” with an extra But not a girl in this wide land Is half so dear, and very few One-tenth as sweet as she to me. Dear thing! she sometimes says “I seen, “Tl “T's nut,” or *So be you” “Them’s yours,” “They's good”—1 to my cars; But she is still my lovely quee Whose heart-beats are to mine most true, And will be yet for many years. He—* Be assured, my dear, I hav spend your money ‘right and left. PLAIN SPEAKING. f Tonly were sure that you wished me to be yours for my own sake and Some say that love is blind, and T Would add that luve is deaf also. Though grammarless and spelling basi, My love is handsome, sweet and shy. ‘The secret of our love you'd know ? She's only five and I'm her dad TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND. ay, ma,” whispered a little girl in a railway train, “look at those two deaf mutes over there,” and she pointed to a lady and geatleman in the next seat who had not exchanged a word for over an hour, ‘‘Hush, my dear,” counseled the mother; “they are not deaf and dumb people—they are husband and wife.” EXPECTATIONS FRUSTRATED. RT—*{ kelched him running at large, Gwendoline, an'I kin git fifty cents fer him to th’'dog pound. Wait here and we'll hev some ice cream.” an utter disdain for money; if you were once mine 'd— DIDN'T STICK AT TRIFLES. In a police court. A woman of thirty, with fiery red hair and a general “been-out- all-night” appearance, was called up as a witness. “Are you married, madame?” asked the magistrate. “Oh, as to that, I will leave the matter entirely to the court.” TOO CLOSELY RE- LATED. Said a worthy gen- tleman to one of his friend: “T wish you would try and make my son see the error of his conduct.” “But why don’t you do it yourself?” Well, you see, being his father, I have but little influence over him.” RECENT DECISION. The expression ‘1 pass” in playing euchre is reprehensi- ble since the enact- ment of the anti-pass law. You must say you commute. Miss Olivia Cobb, the belle of Athens, Ga,, is just out of her teens and yet has refused thirty offers of marriage. “By the time that young lady is twenty-five she will be looked upon as a southern outrage, not to say the very besom of destruction. There is a man in Chicago who makes it his business to straighten bow legs, and it is a curious fact that nine-tenths of his custom comes from women. Scientists will please put that in their pipes when they want to smoke. A society woman's dress costs a great deal for what there is of it. The “I scream” served. comicbooks.com