Judge — 1888 — page 51: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. 49 IN FRONT OF THAT DECEPTIVE MIRROR AT THE EDEN MUSEE, Mr. Fogarty lost his position all along av a change in his views, So he tuk the advice av physicians and sould “f shop to the McCues. For he bouldly explained his intintion to settle out west with- out fail, And the goods wor too many to mintion, offered at auction sale. ‘There were carpets and lounges and tables, and bed-quilts and spreads be the bale ; Ould harness and ropes in'the stables, at Fogarty’s auction sale. Faiz, the shtoyle he put on was inspirin' wid his catalogues, clerks and his lists, And an auctioneer worth’ your admirin’ wid a big wooden maul in his fists ; Twas a proud day in Shantytown, mind you, whin that auc- tioneer wagged his ould jaw, Toucny vistror—* Who 're you starin; eer = a OR gat, you lop- And all the pest men I could find you wor there wid the cash in eared, slab-sided Turk? If I looked like you I'd go There wor Dempseys and Hogans and Farrels, there wor Sul drown myself lys and Rourkes quite a dale, Wid Coogans and Dorans and Carrolls, wid the Murphys at Fogarty’s sale, IN ANOTHER LIGHT. “ My dear,” said pious mother to her young The sale wint on like a party, wid nothin’ our pleasure to mar, hopeful, “I trust you have taken to heart the And the chaffin’ and biddin’ were hearty, and we aich tuk a drink great moral lesson this day teaches. Have and cigar. SS jay teaches. Ha But the goat and the wheelbarrow waited till all the light goods You done your best to fulfill the duties re- had their fling, Thin Fogarty kem ‘round and trated, and lugged the goat out wid a string. There was biddin’ and shoutin’ and chaffin’, musha, and the auc- tioneer pale, There was crowdin’ and rus at the sale, Big Dempsey he safd that the Carrolls would starve the poor goat a wake ; Tim Murphy he started the Farrells when he said they wor too drunk to sphak nd laughin’ over Fogarty’s goat quired of you?” “Yes, ma,” wasthereply ; “I’vejust finished the mince pie. GUARDING AGAINST CONTINGENCIES. “T’ve hung up my two stockings,” said a little girl as she kissed her mother good night. “Are you afraid that one wouldn’t hold the doll that Santa Claus is going to bring you?” ‘Thin the goat wint up to four dollars, some pulled at his homs asked her mother in a sly way. and his tail, And the rest had the men by their collars, and I think that con- cluded the sale. There was shtrikin’ out by the bale, 1 jumpin’ and jawin’, and hi “It isn't that, ma,” slowly said the little reasoner; ‘but I thought perhaps I may have was pulled twins this year.” There was snatchin’ and thumpin’ and clawin’ to enhance Mr. Fogarty’s sale. SHE HAD HER DOUBLE, “I must save a piece of this wedding cake to put under my pillow to-night,” said Cora in a confidential tone. “1 want ‘to sce if I'm really going to marry Mr. Merritt.” “And do you honestly believe that will make you dream of your future husband?” Some one knocked in the heads of the barrels and split the best table in two, he organ jist bought by the Carrolls into kindlin’ wood rapidly tlew. “twas the swatest confusion ! ivery man tuk his place on the deck, arly got a contusion, and the wheelbarrow hung round his neck. It was rumble and tumble and rattle, wid the furnitoor tossed in the gal But when Fogarty lived through the battle he'd the cash for his big auction sale. OLD PROFESSOR. enn asked the more skeptical Mamic. A LONG-FELT WANT. “Why, of course I do,” was the reply.“ However, “I see,” remarked Terwilliger, ‘‘that the dress reformers are trying to Perhaps I Aad better take just another picce of that invent a coat that will distinguish the gentleman from the waiter.” Mince ple. “I wish,” said - : old Moneybags, When a woman makes up her mind, there isn’t a thinking of his tain-drop that doesn’t add cisterns to the overflow of marriageable her conviction. daughters, ‘‘that they would get up something that would make a sentimental girl know the dif ference between |. a coachman } and a foreign \ count.” Governor Hill’: idea that there ought to be a patent milker fills a long-felt pail. *+Hol’ on dah! Doan! be ser tare'bie sudden, Miistah Luttley “Dey yain’t a gemman on de groun’ das perlite ‘nough ter gib me a swing.” comicbooks.com