Judge — 1888 — page 44: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

re GOOD THINGS THE JUDGE'S CHARGE. We now see, in contem- plating Jacob Sharp, what a dreadtully demoralizing beverage milk is. On the Fourth it is usual to paint the town red with fire-works. On the sth it is done with court-plaster. Buffalo has fifty barmaids, and they say there that a glass of froth and a smile are better than a glass of beer. “The girl of England stands alone,” says an Eng- lish writer. Soho! that accounts for her chronic habit of crying her eyes out. Dion Boucicault discusses the decline and fall of the press, It hasn’tgot so low, old chap, that you don't have to look up to see it. A cyclone. according to a scientist. is not c-rcular, but oval-shaped. We don’t know how that may be, but it is gener- ally ovally destructive. A poetess says the world has outlived its passion. Poor old girl! She must be old enough to have served as the nurse of General Washington. There has long beena very serious jealousy between Albany and Troy, an:las often as the woman perishes there is another right at hand to fill the vacancy. It is said to be a whim of New York girls to practice smiling before a looking-gla Now we do not believe it. For instance, itis nota whim. It is a vanity. A WAY-BACK TRADE Uncie StLas—I paid yer five dollars fer that dog, didn’t 1?" Uscur Ezea ~* Yep.” UNCLE SILAS -“*'r. yew said he was a fustrate coon dog, didn't yer?" Uxere Ezra “Yep.” seth Uncie Ezra—“ Thet’s all right; he don’t like ther coons ‘till they’re biiled.”” A CHAPTER FROM A DIME NOVEL. “Halt! Lam pursued, and wemust change clothes. Quick, on your life! toothed Tim, the terror of Hackensack, who makes the demand, so hasten! LAS "Well, Thea nim out las’ night an’ he didn’t do nothin’ but lie FROM JUDGE. “Why do the wicked live?” asks a Lowell minister. Well, now, if we didn’t have aDemocratic party the other would be so intolerant that nobody could get along with it. A Chicago man’ offers $220 for a cat with blue eyes. That is to say, he wants a blonde cat—and as the blundes are the best kind it isa pity that there never was one and never will be. Babies are the most un- certain things! Leave a baby on a wide bed and go off to visit a neighbor, and in half an hour that ‘child will have drowned itself in a cistern on the next block. One Winchester of Mid- dletown, N. ‘T., a pregcher, says history will write the name of McGlynn abo’ those of Washington, Lin- coln and Grant. The soda er of the rural districts is getting more powerful year by year. It is great wisdom in a lady philosopher to say that no woman should earn her own living by outside work after her marriage. The man who will let her do it is just lazy and mean enough to i when he discovers her capacity in that line, that she shal earn his living, too—and in nine out of ten cases the poor little fool will do it. Mrs. Langtry says she doesn't propose to get a divorce; and for our part, if Mr. Langtry comes here we shall insist on using the new cruisers to shoot him back again. We must say after having read many graduating essays by the graduating girls, that the dresses by which the girls were sur- rounded were unusually able, graceful and fascinating. FARMER HAYSEED DRAWS THE LINE. Farmer HAYsEED—* Well, yer kin talk about woman suffrage all yer want to, an’ givin’ them the right to the ballot, but dang me if Tever saw my wite an’ daughter goin’ ’round in a lace collar and a pair of slippers Td give them all the woman suffrage they wanted.” comicbooks.com