Judge — 1888 — page 43: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM PADDY’S VALENTINE. EGORRA! Saint Valen- tine’s landed, The lads and the lasses are crazy ; Be heavens! Oi've got the same favur, Oi think O7'l sind Bid dy a daisey. Now fhwat'll T do to be proper, a Oi mane the gintility caper Is it sindin’ her some- thing that’s boughten, Ora bit ov me writin’ ‘on paper? fey ee 908 wastes Bah! out ov me way, ye de- saver! It’s chape to be buyin’ yer luv- knot ‘ Phwin paper and pencils are handy ; 2 Divil a cess do Oi care, for Oi iv not A cint for a lot ov swate varses Come second-hand from some poor poet ; 4 So, OF'Il jot down me luv in a jifly 7 And sign wid me name soshe'll know it. Bedatia git onto mie fancy For Bridget McC she’s surely— Me tex for ye, darlint, is burn Thisheart that was made for Be heavens! get onto that matre. Don't it skip wid a nice, aisy measure ? O'im dr’amin’ av ye an’ Oi'm buildin’ A cage for me Keart's blissid treasure. Dye moind, Biddy dartint acushla, How swate Oi have been at the partin’, Phavin at the back gate Oi have left ye Wid ivery pulse in me smartin'- Ove laid in me bed an’ been dramin'— Bad cess to that line, but it's written— Shure, darlint, yer heart was the palace Oi wonder'd could poor Paddy git in? Thin out av the gloom Oi heard voices Come singin’ so tender and swately, An all av me moind was in wonder Loike one that was dr'amin’ complately. He stood on a pinnacle, darlint, An’ Oi woke up wid ** Can't he win ? can't he 2” Thin out av the gloom come the murmurs “Ye can, wida pig and a shanty.” Now, Biddy, the shanty is waitin’, Wid a tae kettle on the stove crownin’, And a pig in the sthy he is stoppin™ To mate the new comer who's ownin’. Will ye come, little Biddy, me darlint ? OV*U see ye at close ov the day toime. The name‘is a/tached, and Oi'll sind Be heavens! This day is a gay t HW. S, KELLER. THE LAW OF HEREDITY. “Didn't Mr. Verdigris talk beauti- fully in the Bible class this morning? It was just like a sermon.” “Yes, it was fine; but such things run in the family, you know.” “Indeed ! How is that?” “He inherits it, you see. ried Dr. Sereena’s daughter, and the old ceotleman is the best preacher in the Gistinct! city. JUDGE. HENRY GEORGE'S LAND REFORM. Scumitt —* Vot O'Hounn the land tax. FATAL IGNORANCE. THE INFALLIBLE TEST. Mrs. DeToole —“How do you like my daughter's sing- ing—do you not think she ha improved since you last heard her?” Mr. Doney (who has not heard Miss DeToole for two years)— “Oh, yes; I think there is a wonderful improvement. You can hear her just twice as far as you could two years ago.” SAINTS AND SINNERS. “Where is the best place to see those stunning bathing suits that the papers say the swell girlsare wearing?” asked a young dude. “At any of those religious resorts where camp-meetings are held,” replied his friend. FROM OUR NEW POCKET DICTIONARY. Mediator—A self-sacrificing individual who places himself * between the hammer and the anvil. Mirror—An article of furni- ture women grow heartily tired of as they grow older. Sparrow—The street of the feathered tribes. Arab Mr. Smitut (who is in total ignorance of the fact that he is conversing with He mar- a blood relative of the hostess)—“* Really, Miss De Lyle, speaking of trade ‘ople crowding so rapidly into our most select circles, do you know the lather of our charming hostess was at o remember when he made my father’s boots, and "— LYLE—*Ah ! boots he wore while plowing, I presume.” A Priest in politics is like the girl with a secret and the youth with a loaded gun—he’s never satisfied until he makesa noise. time acobbler? And I can ‘VERY SERIOUS INDEED. Wife—“ What seems to be the matter with my husband, doctor?” Doctor—“O, nothing more than an attack of rheumatism in the pedal extremities.” : Wife—“ Ah, it is worse than I expected. Charley said the pain was all in his feet.” “There is a young woman in the chorus at the Bijou Opera House who makes a pretty elaborate display of her figure. She wears white tights from her head to her feet, with a scanty row of gilt fringe around her hips.”—Zddy’s Squid. Sort of a gilt edged girl, so to speak. Sidney Rosenfeld says that he once began to write an article on the difference between the author and the actor, but later experience taught him that there were so many differences be- tween authors and actors that he was compelled to abandon the task in despair. Some of the dancers at the French ball kicked so high that they could’nt get down until four o'clock the next afternoon, and then they did it on a step-ladder. A Texan chews his weight in tobacco every four years and is half inclined to be ashamed of himself because he can’t do it in two. comicbooks.com