Judge — 1888 — page 42: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

40 GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. A TRIFLE LATE A FAMILIAR SAYING PROVES TRUE. = As GIVING THEM A PAIR CHANCE. Parson Jounson—“Ef any ob de brevren of my congregation suspicions me ob trifling wid ffections ob dere wives I hope dey will make vestigation ob de affair at once so dat | may ‘clair myself ob de accusation.” DARN A FLY! A hotel or a private residence with flies in it is on the high road to deteriorization. ‘There is no necessity for flies. A little care and a like amount of netting and there areno flies. The spectacle of a fly- cage is an exhibition of bad management that must not be allowed any A = = window that is whitened with evidences of flies is marked as with the mark of shame. We must have the Democratic party in some No roum for argument, Daniel never prevaricates on the fish question. He readily admits that the catch is small, and merely says it is because = Grover insists on flopping around in the boat and making such a noise with his large words and general WORKMAN ABOVE (/0 workman below)—"* Look out underneath there! (Doubtless the work- man underneath wishes he could.) shape, and various kinds of smaller crime are not to be escaped; but a house with a fly in it is an offense to all manner of good usage and decent custom. ‘“ Dama fly!" ex- claimed the late Mr. Billings in a paragraph which comprised not only volumes but libraries. It is the language of the universal world. Darn a fly! That mild, little, insin- uating thing that purposes no severe pain but kills you by incessantly annoying attention—darn a fly! He isa bore. He has no apprecia- tion of the tolerance of kindly civil- ity. He was created to make it apparent that the gentle Summer was meant mostly for deceptive purposes. One can tolerate a mos- quito long enough to kill him, and a wasp is notso bad; but darna fly with his gentleness of method and his intolerable perseverance! And when it is so easy to get rid of him it is so exasperating to think that he tolerated, or perhaps encouraged, by any decent manager of a hotel or a household. ONE WAY OF DOING IT. She was a plain, out-spoken Ger- man woman, and one night when several callers staid longer than she thought necessary she said in a loud voice: “Christian, let's go to bed so that the folks can go home.” Directly upon the heels of the rumor that Christine Nilsson won eighty thousand francs at Monte Carlo came the report of the earth- uake, The natural inference is that Miss Nilsson fractured the bank. “Aha! a lady in the b-bweakers!! through the sheet on to a convenient mattress, rubs himself down and gocs out for a b. and 5.) GETTING READY FOR THE SUMMER. To the wescue!” (Plunges impatience that he scares the fish away.—A/rs. D. S. Lamont. I cannot falsify even for this ad- ministration. I may be unduly sensitive, but I have a high regard for the truth The trout numbered only five all told, and the largest of them didn't weigh an ounce over three pounds —Frances E. Cleveland ONE VIEW OF IT. Robinson meets a friend who lost his wife the day before. “Allow me to offer my sym- pathies, Let me see—you were married ”—— “Thirty years.” “Ah, yes! And it’s hard to lose a wife just as one is growing a lit- tle used to her.” HOW THE ENGLISH IS SPOKE. Aunt Cecelia {to Lulu)—“' My dear Lulu, Mr. Smithers, from England, is coming to-night and I wish you to take a lesson from him in Eng- lish, he talks so nicely.” Next Day. “Well, my dear, did you hear how nicely Mr. Smithers spoke?” Zulu—*Oh, yes, aunty; I heard him talking outside tothe hackman.” Aunty—** And what did he say, my dear?” Zulu—‘ He said, ‘You infernal swindler, I’ll smash your d——’” Lesson in English summarily stopped. “Do you think the man legally guilty according to the evidence?” was the question; and immediately every lawyer present inquired with extreme anxiety, “What is the amount of his assets and liabili- ties?” comicbooks.com