Judge — 1888 — page 41: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. DARKTOWN'S INFLICTION. HEHADTO KEEP THAT “T want ten dollars on that watch,” he said to the pawnbroker. “Throw in the chain?” “No: whatdoyou sup- pose I'd fastenmy keysto.” NO CHANCE FOR HONESTY. Boston merchani— “Dont you think, Samp. son, that honesty is the best policy?” Insurance agent—* Well, no.” Boston “What?” Insurance agent—*The best policy is that issued by ourcompany. Amill- ion dollars surplus.” Er loud whistle don’t make er big factory nor er loud mouth don’t make er big orator. APPROPRIATE. Fond mother—*Pa, what business do you think we ought to start Willard in? Hes getting to be eighteen years old and ought to get into some- thing.” Fond father 1's hard telling what he's fitted for.” Fond mother— Yes, he’s as proud as Lucifer, but he’s as neat as wax. Fond father—* Well, then, Ict’s start him in the match business.” merchant— comes from too much eddication.” NO TIME FOR WORK. (AFTER HERRICK.) Come, write a letter t» my love, Ye little cupids mine, And send it by your mother’s dove Toa girl with eyes divine. . * * . . What ! will ye still your duty shirk? Ah me, and wel!-a-day ! Some Cupids may be good for work, But mine will only play. DurFIELD OsorNE. HE TOLD A BIG STORY. Summer boarder—“1 thought you said there was running water within a stone's throw of your house?” Farmer—*\ did.” Summer boarder—“ Well, the nearest water I can discover is half a mile from here.” Farmer—“ Well, Mr. Peterley, I've known men that could throw a stone that far.” A new style of dress coat has no tails, It reminds one of the tramp’s dinner, at which there was nothing to eat. 39 HIS BUSINESS QUALI- FICATIONS. Father—" Well, what can yousay for the young man?” Daughter—“He's young and handsome and has good business ability.” Father—* How do you know anything about his business qualifications?” Daughter—“Why, he has figured out for me time and time again how nicely we could get along if you would make us a present of fifty thousand.” AN INFALLIBLE RECIPE. An examination in an agricultural college: “Tell me, please, how one can keep mutton fresh?” “By not killing the p—'* Maria, what's de matter wid de boy ?” Wirt—" De doctor says he’s got plumbago in his side from suckin’ lead-pencils. Dat A DIRECT THRUST. Chicagoan—* Don't you have to take out a license to get married in this State.” New Yorker—*No; we make it a8 easy as possible for people to enter into the matrimonial state. We don't use much red tape. We leave that for the Chicago lawyers.” DIDN'T WANT TO BE SEEN. “Do you know where I can get one of those opaque sun- shades?” asked Cora. “Why,” exclaimed Mamie, in surprise, “are you so afraid of sunstroke?” ‘*No,” returned Cora confidentially, “but Mr. Merritt and I are going out to sit on the sand. It has been an unusually healthy Summer, but the Ute country is at present afflicted with the malignant Colorow. SIGNS OF THE TIMES. Veto A floor-walker at Lacy's, who has been delegated to wath windows, sees a pretty Sirlon opposite side of the street, and poses for her benefit. KNowINo COUNTRY VISITOR—‘' I've often heerd tell of the Eeding Museum, but darned 'fI'm goin’ ter_pay fifty cents 'f that there's a sample 'f what's inside.” comicbooks.com