Judge — 1888 — page 39: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THINGS FROM JUDGE. THE LAST STRAW. POPULAR SUPER- STITIONS. It is bad luck To be hanged on Friday. To marry a red haired girl. To be bitten by a mad dog. To have your pock- et picked. To be killed by a railroad train. To lend your best friend five dollars. To take a twenty- cent piece fora quar- ter. Tocallon your best girl and find your rival there. To find at 3 a.m. that you have lost your latch-key. ‘To breaka looking- glass, for it entails the cost of buying a new one. RUINED By SUC- CESS, Some one asked a photographer the other day how he was doing. “Not any too well,” was the reply; “you see the trouble is, now that I've become well known, people say to themselves, ‘That fellow must be overrun with work,’ and go somewhere else.” ‘What's the matter with it? wrote more’n a line.” HUM OF THE COURT. In dying Herr Krupp, the celebrated cannon-maker, has gone off with as much success as one of his big guns. That is the best speech which has the least to say, and no woman was ever a success as a speech-maker either before or after dinner. There may have been a stuttering woman, but there were seven days in the week during which she was happily relieved of her disability. There was last week a story in Washington that Government clerks were resigning by scores. There was also revived the report that the moon was composed principally of green cheese. “When a man is in Rome,” says the Utica Herald, “he should do as the Rom- ans do. ? Wouldn't it be quite as well for him to keep sober? William D. Howells has a poor opinion of all the novelists except one, and his modesty won't permit him to mention that one's name. Mr. Barnum had his pocket picked the other day; and he was so mad that he ordered that noted line changed to “Do not wait for me—I am going.” The BuffaloCommercial Advertiser says, women are excitable and be- tray their emotions more than men. Dear youth, isn’t that super- fluous information? Isn’t that what they largely are here for? Roraite — STRANGER —“Why, fo bury the hoss.” « De assistant editor, Johnson, is stamping on de new type-writin’ machine.” “Why, he started to write up ‘our funny column’ and de ting rung up a chestnut AN UNREASONABLE OFFER. STRANGER —** Fifty dollars, eh, fur the nag? Does the lot go with it?” Sartinly not; what do ye want the lot fur?” 37 King Kalakaua is allowed to retain his throne on the single condition that he ex- ercises none of its privileges. That is about as if he were allowed to eat pro- vided he did not the slightest swallowing. he Queen having given £200 for the re- lief of distressed cler- gymen, there has arisen some little dis- cussion with regard to their distressed congregations. As a general thing, as the reader is aware, those unhappy individuals are rarely thought of. A GOOD REASON. Master Tommy is sick and also indis- posed to take the pre- scribed remedy. “Come, my pre- cious,” says his mother, “ you must swallow your medi- cine.” “'T can't.” “One always can when one wants to.” “But I don’t want to.” AN EYE TO THE FUTURE. On the boulevards. “You look anxious, old boy.” “Yes, I'm terribly put about in my mind.” “Perhaps your creditors are giving you trouble.” “What! the old ones? Nota bit of it; I'm hunting around for new ones.” WELL QUALIFIED. “ How much experience have you had at making cigarettes ?” inquired the manufacturer. “None at all, sir,” replied the applicant; ‘but for the last two years I have been an artist's model.” WHY THEY ARE THERE. “Tsee that they have a large ballet in ‘The Fall of Babylon.’ 1 didn’t know that they had such things then.” “Oh, no! but I sup- pose they want to have some of the people in it who were li at the time it happen- ed.” NO AFTER YEARS FOR HIM. Detective —“ Confess and you will save your life.” Prisoner—** But_ my confession would hang all three of Detective—‘ Well, what of that? You will always have the con- sciousness of knowing that you told the truth.” NOT A GOOD WIT- NESS. In a cheap restau- rant. “See here, waiter; this steak is at least three weeks old.” “Can't say, sir; I’ve only been here a fort- night.” comicbooks.com