Judge — 1888 — page 37: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOID THINGS FROM JUDGE. FALSE ECONOMY. THINGS A WOMAN CAN'T DO. Shoot straight See any beauty in a rival. Keep track Sit down without m hing her bustle. Endure the smell of a stranger's cigar. Cut an old admirer w:thout looking back. Hold up her dress without showing her hose. See the extravagance of anything she wants. ‘Tell her child’s right age to the car conductor. Take an interest in the vital questions of the day. L a fiver on the races without getling a headache. Remain in an auction-room without losing her head. A WIDE DIFFERENCE, “What an awful smell of cabbage,” said a fastidious tenant to the janitor. ‘1 thought you assured me there were no Irish families in the hous “Neither there are, ma'am,” was the reply. 's only the landlord smoking a five-cent THE OFFICE-SEEKER AGAIN, “Ther yain't no one a lookin’ ’n'T might Nore—The hev thet air wire ter put ‘raound my hog-pen.” enjoyed for seeing people struck by lightning may excuse any want of action in his sketch. NAR ASILR PR ak To CLARE VELAND tL CONEY ISLAND. Mrs. Wilmot Lewis of Halifax, N. S., gave Blowsy big girl with her beau Talks about taking a *souse,” Heavy weight meres anil ponderous peres Nopping thefe blazing brows, Whit airy nothing called beer, Yes, suinmer is surely here. Women and water and wind, birth to a fine boy five months and three days after a precisely similar experience. There are persons who look upon this as a miracle, but Mr. Lewis says for his part he regards it as an outrage. to talk. It is easy When Emerson said, “Hitch your wagon to a star,” he took deuced good pains not to bring down the star. and Laskets and beer, Ghitd-en that run an shrat in the aun, Old folks at rest i+ the shade of the pier 5 Yes, summer is here. A GAME OF CHANCE. Old tady—"1 think it is perfectly awful the way the young men of to day are captivated by games of chance ; don't you?” Old gentleman—* Oh no, ma’am ; I'm h you bet. aneren fon lar attendant at the base-ball games mys MARCELLUS, NATIVE AND FOREIGN. Not Anxious to Sta “Arethereany bears in this vicinity?” in quired a hunter from the city as he stepped off the train up in Ul- ster county. “Yes, sir,” replied the station agent. “A big fellow was seen just west ofthe village yesterday ; he looked to beten fect long.” “Er — what time does the next train go pq back to New York?” Scene—Railroad Station in Washington. Vell, Iswan ! they all told me_ter hum thet v ter git at him through Dn, Lamont. Wonder who in — Sleeper is, THINGS A MAN CAN'T DO. Smile through his tears. Making a crying baby smile. Put in a pin that will hold. Wither a rival with a glance. Talk with his mouth fuil of pins. Carry his car fare in his mouth. Make love to two girls in the same room. Get a number six foot into a number three shoe. Remain self-possessed when there is a pin sticking in him. see ‘a book at the window and scrutinize everybody that O'HOULINAN ‘over Ais new pee ve * Here's a Chinee baste vants to tebe alawye: furri ‘The cheek of thim furiners le. The nixt thing they'll want tobe aidher "Spend the whole day shopping when he doesn’t waat to buy men and sit down alongside av us Amerikins.” anything. comicbooks.com