Judge — 1888 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. 31 A KNOWING POINTERS WAITER. Small-poxin Ia arestau- the army and x rant. a panster dif- “ , A frightful- fer in the fact a: se ly bald c that one would pick a pocket and the other pock Suddenly calls a picket. y aN oy the waiterand Wi fis Baa Ff cae points toa Pe si ve ic : : i = 7 . z hair in the did the Jew, R 7 . ; i soup. Ann Fernan- u ; “ 3 " . Za) y «Where did dez, belong tlhe A 4 that come to? yy i from?” “Tt must be monsieur’s.” The cu tomer, evi- dently ver z much flat- Rivoli = ; Af tered, replies: Ano er = y S “No doubt, party of coal <4: q eae 7 my good fel- miner struck a 5 . : low,no doubt riday.—Ex- y & change. They = : It pains us probably to see in the knew that MAN—“How do you do, Mr. Brown? 1 press of the Robinson you fora year or more; how are all the Farmek --All alive and kicking. Ting-a-lin period such Crusoe was Eton slangas “You dead. can chalk it How can Prohibition prevail when every druggist will sell you down that,” ete. In view of the recent rise in the price of chalk a bottle of mucilage with a stick in it. nothing could-be very much more vulgar. JOHN ALBKO. tomer has just begun his din- ner when he Our witty ancestors named the fume of the civet cat purr- fume. WHAT DOES BOB SAY TO THIS? Bagley—“1 understand you are a Bob Ingersoll man.” As you swing around the circle in the early Barley—* Yes, he and I have some beliefs in common, I've Justto ge eee crcorleasremote, Come to think, however, that there is a place of eternal punish- OF to scratch the ears of asses, often called of ment. ” men the masses, ey—" You have? Don’t forget the quiet voter with his vote. Yes; I've just spent a week in Cincinnati.” The brass bands or fiery speeches never make him turn a hair, - - And the documents you'send him make the lighters for his pipe. ENCOURAGING. All the little mugwump capers that he reads Passenger—(who has been waiting for two hours for train) — of in the papers ~ syard i i 22 Will not keep him from his duty when “Say, boy, what grave-yard is that over there? ; er aay Boy—" Well, boss, that grave-yard belongs to the company, an’ There is haysced on his collar, there is tallow on his Loots, everybody what's buried there has died while waitin’ for a train. ‘And he mixes moods and tenses in his talk from day to day. _ _ And he writes a hieroglyphic that is far from scientific; But it's handsome on a paper when we have a note to pay. VERY FAR OFF, His trousers, like his homestead, faves handsome country seat; She—“ Have you ever met Miss DeMacy ?” There is little waist about his coat —his vest is all aflame. eNOS L have nev ieasure. Lasherrelaiivel® ‘Though his hat be antiquated and his cowhide boots mismated, a Ne 1 pave never Bou tie pleasure ae In the big events of life those feet both get there all the samc. She—“ Yes; she is a distal Atty Ge ‘i He—‘‘ Ah, you don't say! How distant? THE SQUAR’ VOTER. We don’t like to own it, brother, but he’s still the nation’s type— “Oh, about 4,000 milés.” ‘The future's hope, the people's trust, the commonwealth's backbone. Ste—*Oh, ob 5 In our socialastic bubbles, in our crazy labor troubles, He's our anchor cast to windward, and we look to him alone. OUR AUTOMATIC DOORS. You may get up resolutions with a whereas and a why, You may levy taxes, vote for war or double up expense; But like the sands of ocean, when you follow up your notion, You will find his “thus far” written in his loyal common sense. So when swinging round the circie in your present fall campaign, You will find this voter anywhere and everywhere, like sin. Do not mind his boots or breeches, but in all your songs and speeches, And in all your calculations you had better count him in. THE OLD PROFESSOR. THE FUTURE TENSE. Teacher—‘ Tommy, can you define ‘drink’?" Tommy—* No; mum.” Teacher—* Well, can you tell me the future tense of ‘he drinks’ ?” Tommy—* He is drunk.” MATERNAL INSTINCT. Mamma—(to Lucy, who has stumbled and smashed her Doll's head)—" Don't cry, my dear; it can’t be helped.” ' Lucy—“Oh, mamma, deat! You don’t know how I feel; wren the. office boy goes out puss y i - i hall and jumps But the door gets there just the same. you've never lost a child !” yeea.a mouse in the hall and jumps But the door gets there ju comicbooks.com