Judge — 1888 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. POKER DICE. * Bead dot off you can Four sigses unt a seven sbot. “Holt on, Fritzy! £6 Hinxesri shange dem. DONT'S FOR THE SICK ROOM. Don't appear anxious, however great your anxiety. Assume a cheerful expression, and get off an old joke about the patient be- ing a great lier, or some other antediluvian humor. Such things have a tendency to arouse a patient from thoughts of hiscondition if anything will. Don't let stale flowers remain in a sick chamber. The air of a sick room is bad for plants, and if they are given fresh water and pure air they may revive. Don't jar the bed by leaning or sitting upon it. If youwantto jar the bed, a kick or a thump is much more effective, Don't Iet the patient know that you are watching him. Go to sleep and snore and he will be sure to keep awake and watch the clock for the medicine time. Don't have the sick room temperature over sixty degrees. If you should let it get up to ninety-nine, and then jestingly remark that you were preparing the patient for the immediate future, it BAD FOR BOTH. * Your pig looks thin, Mike; don't you feed it?” Mike. —« Whiniver I think ov it, but me memory’s as poor as the pig!” DISINTERESTED. Zwei bier Fritzy.” Von fly-specgk aind goot fer no fife azes, unt I mighd might make him ner- vous. Sick people are not apt to appreciate a joke. Don't neglect during the day to attend to necessaries forthe night. See to it that a good sub- stantial lunch is pre- pared, and a reasonable amount of drinkables are on hand. The sick always get along better when the nurse is well cared for. ——. Don't ask a convalescent if he would like this or that to eat or drink, but prepare the delicacies and present them in a tempting way. To fasten a delicacy on the end of a string and let it dan- gle in front of the patient's nose is very effective, and then to jerk it away when he reaches for it causes much amusement and relieves the monotony of the sick room. Don’t be unmindful of yourself if you are in the re- sponsible position of nurse. Take care that you get your proper amount of sleep, and let the patient wake you if you oversleep yourself. Sick people are natu- rally wakeful, and even if the patient did doze off and miss the medicine hour it would be better than to break down the nurse's health and thus make two in- valids instead of one. Don't give the patient a full glass of water to drink from. Ifhe is very thirsty, alleviate the thirst by tell- ing him that there is more in the reservoir. Don't allow the patient to get low-spirited. Tickle him under the nose; punch him in the short ribs with your thumb, or do something else of a convivial character to enliven the sick man and keep him in a bright humor. And finally, Don't pay attention to all the fool advice you read in the papers. “Young mon, shtond from oonder. rope breaks ye'll ,it hurted.”” THAT ACCOUNTS FOR IT. An old army officer to his man. “Thunder and lightning! hard boiled eggs again. How many times have I told you not to leave them in the water more than two minutes and a half?” “That's just what I did, general.” “Nonsense! Then they wouldn't be hard.” “They oughtn't to be; but, general, I bclieve my watch runs a little slow.” comicbooks.com