Judge — 1888 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. WAIL PROM SPECKLED THE BACK-ACTION APRIL FOOL TRICK. The following letter, recently received by an eastern millionaire, ex- plains itself, Ihave, all along, clung with a wild and child-like faith to the belief that religion was free. Itseemslam mistaken, or the gen- tleman from Speckled Hen is sordid and world-wise in his gener- ous simplicity. SPECKLED fies, Mon- tana, Dec. 12, 1886. Dear str:—I see by the papers that you are throwing around your money sort of loose and careless-like. ‘The papers say you don’t think anything of bagging a railroad as an appetizer fordinner, and that you order anew steam yacht whenever your fancy wills. I don’t know whether the papers tell the truth or not, but take the liberty to ask you if you have ever given the future state any serious consideration. Out here in the rowdy west we go in heavy on the future state. We live é I : ay fast here, and there is no knowing how soon ° es .a fellow mortal may invite one or more of us to initiate a private burial ground, That is why we wrestle unceasingly with the future state. When one is called upon to —— aes labor with this stupendous question one wants access to the funds bucked against the tiger and blew in every square inch of house of devotion wherein he can give vent to his prayers and let the steeple to help swell Andy McClaren’s coffers. And so up once a week at least upon bluff and cheek. We have a church been from the start. We have gathered in small crowds talked the matter over. Sometimes the discus- sion has been heated; two or three times a faithful admirer of the steeple has punctuated his remarks with a bullet. Our grave-yard thrives, but our steeple don’t grow an inch, If you can send us a few thousand to help raise the steeple towards the clouds we will putin a nice stained-glass window to your memory. Respectfully Your servant, ALABASTER BLAKE. ATOR, —** Pl stick it on tight, so “Holy smoke! I've struck the human that it won't”—— snake.” N. B.—I just read in a Montana paper that Mr. Blake had been lynched for lifting a sorrel mare. H. 8. KELLER. here in Speckled Hen which seems to meet the requirements of but few. _ It is well located, THE DISADVANTAGE OF PLAYING THE INSTRUMENT WHICH spacious, and elegantly furnished with plush- MAKES THE MOST NOISE. cushioned pews. The choir is fair; it was better than fair last month; but since the sil- \ ver-toned tenor lost his mind through the 5S L 5 —_— agency of a rope—he stole a mule—we have S. OCF, = labored under a serious disadvantage. Our CEN Ge: VUCERT pastor is growing a beautiful bald spot upon me — ee ey the bump of veneration. Once his locks were f long, luxuriant and turbulent. Now, in all respects but one, we are well fixed and pre- pared for a wrestle against the sins of the flesh and Satan. What we want is a steeple to our church. We need a steeple bad. Men lie awake nights sighing for a steeple. Women dream about it and children cry for it. The hat has been passed around several times and the boys have all contributed gen- crously, The last man who went around with the chat fell. He wentdownto Dead Man’s Woe and drank every inch of that steeple. He now sleeps with his fathers — figura- tively speaking. ‘wo weeks ago we had a box. ing match in the town hall for the benefit of the steeple. A good sum was taken in at the door, but before morning the fellow who had charge of the — SeicLenack (/rom inside saloon)—“ Look at Fritzy! He dinks we vos all playin’ togedder, aind it? comicbooks.com