Judge — 1888 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

28 MAKING SURE. “Will you let me see a pair of low shoes?” said a lady, entering a shoe store. “Certainly, ma'am,” returned the clerk, who was new at the busi- ness. “Do you refer to the height or the price?” QUITE PLAUSIBLE. “ How is it that there are so many murder trials in the papcrs of late, my dear?” meekly inquired Mrs. Brown. “I suppose,” snapped out the old bear, ‘it is because so many people have been getting killed.” CHIVALRY. Mother —“Why, Wil- lie! wht are you cry- ing for? Willie—“'Cause To-m- m-y too-k my a- wha-t yo u gave m Mother —" Tommy, I am ashamed of you. Why did you take Wil- lie’s apple?” Tommy—*'Cause you told me | must always iake Willie’s part.” Miss Coghlan in a scrap of paper must be charming, provided the scrap is not too large. GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. Ilz— Not going in this style? Indeed Iam, if you go as you are. and it has this advantage over your cosuime-it has a back to it.” AN INNOVATION. (Ss, It's a low neck cut. THE CHURCH NAP. “And now,” con- cluded the clergyman, after a long discourse, “«we have seen that mil- lions on millions of people have been bene- fited by following this scriptural injunction.” Just then Lawyer Stubbs woke up long enough to say in a sleepy manner, “Move that the injunction be made permanent.” HE HAD HIM. Lushking —“My son, the men that puil back never get ahead.” Foung Lushkins— “You're wrong there, dad.” Lushkins—"D' you mean to say I’m a liar?” Foung Lushkins—"Not exactly, but I guess you never Saw an engine- driver pull his throttle.” A HOPELESS TASK. Husband—“What shall we do for my wife to-day ?” Doctor—Keep her from talking for three hours and she will get well.” Husband —‘‘Well, as you go down town stop in the undertakers and leave the order, will you?” BETTER GIVE IT TO THE POOR. A man with $50,000 in his belt fell dead in a western city the It was not previously known that the custom was dangerous ; but it is well to be safe, and we took ours off the other day. very next day. OUGHT TO HAVE KNOWN IT. Troy butcher — Purchaser —" Er—how much does that ham weigh ?” fteen pounds, sir.” Purchaser—“ Avoirdupois or Troy weight?” Troy butcher—(stiffly)—" You are in Troy now.” OUTGROWN HIS MEMORY, “Yes, sah! yo! face am quite fami grown eutirely out of my recleshun, sah. but yo! feet am A COMPROMISE. “John, I wish you would rock the baby.” “What'll I rock the baby for?” « Because he is not very well. And what's more, half of him belongs to you and you should not object to rock him.” **Well don’t half belong to you?” “Yes,” “Well, you can rock your half and let my half holler.” Mr. Brick Pomeroy tells with great and ghoulish glee of how he stole water-melons in Corning, N. Y., when a boy; and perhaps, when a sufficient time has¢lapsed to make the publica- tion safe, we shall hear about certain horses that mysteriously disappeared from LaGrosse after he had become a bald-heatied aman. Don’t know when we have been more pleased than recently when a copy of the Buffalo Millionaire was sent us. It is an excellent publica- tion, It is sent only to the class which it represents. It is several days since Abram Hew- itthas written a letter, and nobody knows whether the trouble is a preva- lence of cucumber or an absence of ink. AN OLD ESTABLISHED CONCERN. eco DRumaer (who has just struck up an acquaintance with hotel guest)—* What house do you travel for?” ‘MISSIONAR’ The oldest in the country.” Drv “What name?” Missionary ** The house of God.” comicbooks.com