Judge — 1888 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

24 OLD CHOCOLATE'S TARGET PRACTICE. HIT AND MISS SHOTS, WITH NOW AND THEN A BULL'S-EYE. So’ eyes am bettuh 'n no cyes. One saddle ull fit any mule’s back. le nearer sundown de busier delazy man. Ef yo’ want a good ‘scuse git one ob a lazy man. Yo’ mus’ hab astout hook ef yo’ fish in de deep. Piety an’ oleage am easy in each oddah’s comp'ny. Yo’ can't ’scape de rain by stan‘in’ undah de eaves, Ef yo’ len’ a man seed he ull want toe borrer yo’ scythe. De doctah an’ de lawyah allers makes yo’ tink ob bad luck. Yo' kin ‘spute wid de muzzle ob a gun, but yo’ take big chances. Daram a pow'ul sight in habit an’ bringin’ up. scar’ a fly wid a hammer in a blacksmif's shop. “Ta‘n't allus de man dat drives in de nail w’ohangs his hat on hit. Yo' fawgit a kin’ness easy, but yo’ allus keep a wrong in mem’ry. De chicken in de shell am boun’ to know mo’ en de hen dat hatches hit. De lis‘nin’ man yo’ vebbah kin measha, but de man dat talks meashas hisse’t Heaben a'n’t gwine toe be a big place et all de angels am got fom dis yer wol’. Dar er ez much diff’r ence’ tween a threat an’ a blow ez ‘tweena tree an’ hits shadow. De pusson w’at am allus satistied wid twelve cents w'en a shillin’ am due ‘im am allus po’. "Case yo" seea jack- rabbit's track in de snow a’n’t no sign dat yo'll hab jack-rabbit fo’ dinnah. J. A. WALDRON. Mks. McFupp. Mk. McFupp day? Oi know me business.” Yo’ can't ‘They say in Berlin that Virchow is his own reward. SENTENTIO! Mrs. McMahan—* Av you ane wan fut in th’ dure, McM'n, Ui'll pit th’ fhlat side av th’ ironin’-boord an yure bach It's dhnppin’, soakin’ wit yez bees.” McMahan—"Thrue fer yez, darlin’, thrue fer yez, an‘ onnly fer wan ting Oid be dhry. Mrs McMahan—"Onn'y wan ting?” . McMahan— Yis, We wor diggin’ McNulty’s well, an'phin th’ shower kem oop, it’s tur-rn th’ well oopsy doon an’ git oonder it we cudn t do.” (Swish! swash! flap! and a cracked ironing-board. ) “ What is it, Bridget? “Faix, I don't”—Bang! Bang! Och, Pat! and phat are yez doing in that tub of wather?”” “Faith and didn’t the doctor say Oi should take a shpoonful in wather t'ree times a THE CRUSH HAT. “Take it away. take it away ! A warning to Hoa Constrictors not to swallow little buys with Lallouns, GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. FOLLOWING DIRECTIONS. THE PARSON'S EXCUSE. The minister got mixed on the name of the deceased wo- man, and didn't dis- cover his mistake until told of it after the funeral. “Well,” said he to the grief-stricken hus- band, “these affairs don't always pass off as satisfactorily as they might.” The ignorant man, whodoesn'tknow how. to write always makes his mark in this world. Coming Home from the Euchre Party. “T think, John, that youacted real mean to- night. Why, only last week yousaid that you could never, never get along without me, and after we began playing together you said you wanted to ‘go it alone.’ just as if I were no good—and before all those people, too ! I think—it—was—was—real—horrid—in you!” ANYTHING TO OBLIGE. A janitress had just lost her husband. She was urging her landlord to come to the funeral. ‘Oh, sir! you were always sokind to him. You'll come to-morrow, won't you?” It isn't possible to- morrow, but I will the day after, sure.” A young lady in Peru, Ill, dislocated her jaw while yawn- ing, and this is said to be the third case of the kind in the same place. Evidently there is a belief in that town that a thing of beauty must be ajaw forever. The pictures of base- ball players which ap- pear in the daily pict- orials show a large development of mous- tacheand great naked- ness of chin, it being necessary that the chin should have free action, It's loaded.” ‘There is a report that the princess Beatrice henpecks her Henry even to the extent of making him get up to get the paregoric; but we have it from private sources that the queen attends to that baby and insists —with Lord Salisbury’s per- mission—on managing the pa- regoric herself. It is well enough in giving foreign in- formation, to have things cor- rect. They have strawberries in San Francisco every month ' but January ; but who cares for strawberries? comicbooks.com