Judge — 1888 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. 19 INFANTINE SCIN- TILLATIONS. Mother (teaching Sun- day-school _lesson)— CRUSHING THE MIND READER. REFORMING AS A BUSINESS. “You are a promi- “Now, Annie, what is a peace maker?” ‘Annie (aged five,and devoted to doll-rags) —"Why, mamma! don't you know? A dressmaker of course.” Tommy (viewing young lady visitor critically)—“I don’t think God knows how to make girls very well.” Panic stricken mamma —‘Why, Tommy! [ am sure you think Miss de Jones is lovely.” Tommy (stoutly, and intent on giving honor where honor is due)— “Yes, but ‘tain't no thanks to God, for she’s been fixin’ on her hair and things all the time I was gettin’ my kite out of the cherry-trec by the spare-bed:room window.” Mr. So1 Mrs. The scarcity of hops has gone so far as to greatly affect the watering-places. MAGNANIMITY. Tue Lirte Ux—* Yes, and the says 1, it's not the likes of you, says f, can make me jealous says I An’ if Tom likes you better than he does me, says I, take him an’ welcome, says I!" HE BIG Ux—~ Bully for you.” Mrs. Cleveiandis anearly riserand Mr.Clevelandisn’t hence the remark every morning. “By heavens, Frances! if you don’t go away I'll remove you for pernicious activity.” The Ohio young lady who has received twenty- nine offers of marriage during the past year must have kept a tremendous amount of very poor com- pany. The President is work- ing hard to reduce his flesh. There was a prevalent im- pression a couple of weeks Mk. Sorry (to rich widow)—"' I've read my mind, Mrs. ConsTance-—" This sudden shock is awful, Mr. Sof —"You must have noticed my devotion NSTANCE—“ It isn't that, you know, but the discovery all at once that you have a mind.” nent agitator in the y uttah devotion.” OP MORE CONSEQUENCE. De Peyster—"1 say, doctor, run down and see my wife this morning. She's got a fever or something. And, I say, my dog is sick with a bad cold.” Doctor—Y'm no veterinary surgeon, man.” ‘De Peyster—‘ Well, see what you can do for the dog anyway.” WHAT DID SHE MEAN? Foung Algernon—"* Deary, you mustn't say anything if you find my face a trifle rough to-night. I really hadn't time to wait my tum at the barber's this morning.” ‘Miss Patience— Certainly not, Alger- non; but if you hadn’t brought the sub- ject up I probably wouldn’t have noticed it.” COULDN'T iF HE WOULD. “Why don’t you become a prohibi- tionist?” said an exhorter to a hod- carrier. «Faith, Oi can’tafford it,” was the reply “Can't afford it!” echoed the other. “Why, what do you mean?” “Shure,” said Pat, ‘don’t these tim *prance drinks cost a man tin cents!” |, Constance, and I cannot live without you.” ty.” Henry George move- ment?” “Yes.” “You don’t believe that any one has a Tight to private owner- ship in land?” “No.” “I suppose you make a great deal of money by your lectur- ing?” “What do you do ith it all?” “Invest it in estate.” real WHAT TO DO IN AN EMERGENCY. “Can't you swim?” asked a passenger on an ocean steamer of another. “No.” “What would you do if you were cast on the waves?” “Ld telegraph at once for assistance.” Without the mosquitoes the Jersey coast would be a young paradise in summer; but then it wouldn't be the Jersey coast. THE FLOWING BOWL. Youno Srort—4T say, old man, jest mix up a couple of two-cent lemonades for me and me friend, and mind yer make 'em strong.” © The editor of the Buffalo Express says the editor of the Jupcr once lived in Erie county. Well, God help him! that is so; but there be those, by heavens! who never got away from there. A Bride in Winsted, Conn., fainted when the clergyman asked her to say yes; but she was not so far gone that she couldn’tremark vigorously between gasps, “Keep him till I come around.” Victoria has thirty Portrait of the baby when they ve bought have enough. bank, and every penny we get we will put in and when we have enough money I'll buy the baby a carriage.” living grand-children and the last mail yet to hear from. ago that he was working hard to reduce his majori- ties. comicbooks.com