Judge — 1888 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. A DELICACY. City consumer— “Mr. Jacobs, I found an cel in our milk can this morn- ing.” Milkman (una- bashed) —*Yes'm ; wife thought you'd enjoy a delicacy.” BOTH TIRED. Wife (3 a. m)— “It is very unkind of you, John, to dis- turb me at this un- seemly hour, when you know that 1 have been making calls all day and must he very tired.” Husband (just in) —* Well, I’ve (hic) been makin’ ‘calls” all night, an’ I'm (hic) tired, too.” A SUCCESSFUL BLUFFER. First New Vorker —lowa man a poker debt out west, and by Jove I must pay it!® Second New Fork- er—* He must be a Council Bluffer.” Henry (s0ft/y) - waiting, Florrie.” Fiore. Henry ( AN UNSELFISH PROPOSAL ‘Florence, do you think you could leave your happy home and loving friends to go into the far west with a worthy young man, who has no wealth save his profession? (4 pause.) Vin (tenderly) —""Ves, Henry. I think I could.” th a sigh of relics) going west, and wants to marry; so I'll just mention your case to him." “Well I'm right glad to hear you say that. THE VAIN WOMAN. She wonders whence the pim- ple came That makes her such « fright; Yet, woman-like, she'll still ex- claim, “Tam a perfect sight.” De colt wondahs w’at de CY hoss am doin’ wid dat plow, ~* but he'll fin’ out soon ‘nuff. THE EMIN BEY RESCUE. FERTILE IN EXPEDIENTS. “T understand,” remarked a broker, “that you have a friend who is a poet. Doesn't he annoy you very much with his verses?” “Not at all,” replied his friend.“ You see, the poor fellow is blind, and when- ever he goes to read me one of his poems, I just run around the corner and have a drink, and get back in time to tell him it is excellent.” : ’ Doctor, this is indeed « happy moment.” Ewty Bey—" Right you are, Henry. Come to my arms and tell me who's ahead between Kelly's nine and the Giants.” 17 IGNORANCE IS BLISS. “That is by Shakespeare,” said Mrs. Malaprop, reading some verscs out of a book of selections. “The poem I'm going to read you now is by Ibid. I never ~ heard of him before —did you?” HIS WEEKLY MOVE. “Do you live in New York?" asked Merritt. “ replied Rednose, with a wicked wink of his left eye, “except on Sunday, when I re- sidcin New Jersey.” A contemporary says, “There is al- that is real y. Inthe crowded condition of this assemblage we were beginning to feel uncomfort- You see, my ble.” able. nd Joe is GUIDED BY EXPERIENCE. ‘There is a divorce case on the docket this morning.” said the clerk of the court to the Judge.“ Will you have it tried in open court?” “What is the occupation of the defend- ant?” “A minister, your honor,” returned the clerk. “Tf that's the case,” said the Judge, “1 guess it is better to give it a private hearing.” FORCE OF HABIT. Boot-BLACK—"*Shine, boss?” comicbooks.com