Judge — 1888 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

16 GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. and an old man who carries his boardin’ house sign under his vest run against the dog and fell through a millin- er’s show-winder and raised a muss. Then the dog turned and run back over the old track, and when a policeman had woke up and put in his fine work onto the yeller dog you'd have thought acyclone had been on a jamboree, and | was there takin’ was | nN’ Evperty Party—" Whoa, dar! it all in, and here's wid dose professionuls ?” THE PROGRESSIVE RACE. BY H. S, KELLER. Obviously, the Afri- can is progressive or nothing. His imita- tive qualities stand out like gems of purest ray serene upon the escut- cheon of his national- ity. The other day | wanted to buy a small 3 jag of wood for kin- Zi s dling purposes and ac- costed a sable son of Afric’s sunny—Georgia sands. “Fo' shuah, boss, I got fine wood fo’ kindlin’ pu'poses—fust- rate wood fo’ kindlin pu'poses.” “What is your figure for a small jag?” I asked. “Well, [reckon bout seventy-five cents am de propah ‘mount.” THE DARKTOWN TRACK. Dy yoo 'spose I'se agwinc toe let yoo break you neck an’ mine, tov, a racin’ your stamps, and I didn’t buy the postals ‘cause you said I could have fivecents. I said T got ’em but I didn’t.” H. S. KELLER. Emma Abbott says her voice has grown strong- er; but we do hope she hasn't enlarged upon her stage kiss in that way. Puttin’ off hay- in’ on a. shiny day am offahin’ a prize fo’ a spilt crop. genus mule halted before my door. A poor abject creature, with a white skin, held the reins. The negro with whom I had talked the day before came to my door and told me that the wood was there. I examined the jag and commenced to clinch the bar- gain with the colored man. “See yar, boss, de white man am sellin’ dis wood. talk wid him.” “But "— “He does de talkin’, I hire him, I does, toe do de talkin’. 1 reckon I am de boss, but he—he am my hired help, he am. Go long, boss, an’ make yo’ bargain wid de white hired trash.” ‘That was easily done. I bought the wood from the poor white man and gave him seventy five cents for the jag. The next movement on the part of the colored man was a stunner. “Here, yo’ poo’, onnery, low-down white man, here am twenty-five cents mo’. Dat makes de one dollah I promised yo" fo’ doin’ de job.” After the white man pocketed his one dollar and disappeared I asked the negro, “how can you afford to give away the wood Yo’ can and pay a quarter beside: “Hush-sh! Doan’ say nuflin’. De wood am stole an’—well boss, I pay jess twenty-five cents to see how’t feels toe be boss once.” “Allright; bring around your jag of wood in the morning and I will take it, provided it is of good quality and fair size.” Bright and early the next morning a slab-sided beast of the Three lowa women have died of the bites of as many potato- bugs on which they stepped with bare feet; so it seems that even the potato-bug will turn. ALL THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR SUCCESS. THE DOCTOR DRAWING THE LINE. SMILED. “What that does red light mean, father?” asked a_ little boy, as they were walking through the de- pot one night. «That means danger, my son,” replied the father, who was a doctor. “And 1s that ~ the reason,” continued the little fellow, ~ looking up in his tather’s face, “that they al- ways have ared light in the drug-store win- dow?” Dar’s no use frowin’ pole,line an’ sinker aftah a hook stole by a fish, isiax, Brisl_| Gnricsry— You go on the stage? Why, you've no talent.” “When they come to the gate, Tom, tell "em you haven't had anything to eat for two days; but don’t take no turkey, ‘cause I've got a basket half filled with it now an’ we won't git aothin’ much Wier Talent! Why, I've been the defendant in the spiciest else until after New Year's.” kind of a divorce suit. What more do you want?” comicbooks.com