Judge — 1888 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS ANYTHING TO BOOM TRADE. Druwmer For GotpMarKk & Co.—“# Vot habbened mit your nose, Ikey 2” Drummer For Irstems & Co.—*S-sh! I vos goin’ down easd, sellin’ overgoads. Der Yangees don’d like us Sheenies, unt I got dot nose fixed. A writer of Sunday School literature has just been severely injured by a midnight robber. Retribution, though some- times late in making the connection, eventually gets there. A DAUGHTER OF THE GODS. DESIGN FOR A CORKSCREW. Her eyes are like an autumn sky— Now gray, now deepest blue; Her lips are like two cherries red, Just lightly touched with dew; Her fair cheeks blush with ruddy heaith, Her hair is burnished gold. She's gentle as a zephyr’s breath And sixteen summers old. O, no! I shall not marry her; Tam not in her sphere. I'm but a briefless barrister, While she, it's very clear, Is full a score of goddesses All gathered ina bunch— That cashier in a restaurant Down where I buy my lunch. CHARLES STOKES WAYNE. Making Sure of it. AnIrishman, having occa- sion to rise very early, thus _ solilo- quized: “Bedad, Oi'll not go to bed at all, at all, an’ thin Oi'll be sure to wake up in toime.” Quite Sober. Youxc Wire —“Are you sure you are quite sober, Jack 2” Jack (confi- déntially)— “Sure, m’dear. I've (hic) de- clined six in- vitashuns las’ Fom a po’ neighbor yo’ kin borrer eas- ier dan yo’ kin steal . forehand. rich one, FROM JUDGE. EARLY MORNING ON THE BOWERY. THE SMALL BOY DREADFUL ON AN ERRAND. I sent little Willie the other day to the post-office after five postal cards and ten two-cent stamps. I told him 1 would give him five cents if he would hurry. He did. That small boy hurried himself into and out of more scrapes during the next half hour than any boy I ever heard of. He didn’t expedite matters concerning my errand, but he upheld his end of deviltry in a manner most woeful to behold. He went straight to the Post Office, he said, and got the postal cards and stamps. There his virtues ended. The rest of his wild career of a half hour of pandemonium com- menced. Little Willie is a truthful boy and never fails to tell the truth—when pushed to the wall. ‘Well, how could I help tie a tin can to a ycller dog’s tail when the dog was a-watchin’ a blue-bottle fly trying to pull the wool over the spider, say? The can was there, and so was the dog and a piece of twine. Tt was an orful mean yeller dog, that howls when folks is goin’ to die or has died or don’t think ‘bout such things. I tied the can to the yeller dog’s tail and he on- ly run a little bit but orful fast. The old woman what sells wrinkled apples said she felt a shock like a yarth- quake when a *bus-horse went helterty skilter against her stand and knocked her apples galley west. Thedog didn’t crawl 5 under a stoop 5 lik decent ‘om a, Gathley has invited two friends to his private gymnasium to witness the progress he has made, and has prepared himself any. cee be dog orter. He ‘Miss HAWSESENSE ‘wonderingly)—** He does splendidly, Tom; but aren't his muscles a little backward in development?” kept on agoin’ comicbooks.com