Judge, 1888 · page 10 of 69
Judge — 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains three satirical pieces: **"More Pointed Than Polite"** mocks pretentious art criticism. A woman asks a man's opinion on nudity in art; he responds that nude figures belong in paintings rather than appearing in public society—a dig at both affected aesthetic discourse and social impropriety. **"Twelve Reasons Why Celery Requires Salt"** satirizes overeducated young women from elite seminaries (possibly including Vassar). Each answer parodies a regional stereotype: Boston's pseudo-scientific verbosity, Philadelphia's ancestral pretension, New York's financial cynicism, Chicago's rush, etc. The joke mocks both pretentious education and regional character caricatures. **"Unscared" and "An Inducement for Charity"** are brief comic vignettes. The first shows a boy unconcerned about a dog threat. The second depicts a one-armed war veteran's pitch to a prospective donor, with dark humor about the Civil War—the veteran admits he "ran" rather than fought, undercutting both patriotic sentiment and charitable impulses. The overall tone is satirical toward social pretension and regional types.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. MORE POINTED THAN POLITE. Miss De CoLtette—‘* Do you approve of the nude in art, Mr. Fitz-Jones ?” Mr. Frtz-Jones— Well, I don't know. I think it better there than in society.” TWELVE REASONS WHY CELERY REQUIRES SALT. It was a class of young ladies from various of our principal cities, etc., in a prominent seminary that might or might not be Vassar, and the examination was in writing. The question was, “Why does the vegetable celery require so much more salt when it is éaten than any other garden product?” And here are the answers: 1. Miss Cultura Bostoniensis —“ Because the atoms which enter into the composition of this representative of the genus apium gra- volens have a repellant effect on any particles of saline matter that may occupy a contiguous proximity, and their non-compati- bility produces a deprivation that can only be supplied by a sub- sequent manipulation in recepticale salis.” 2. Miss Patrissima Philadelphia—‘‘ Because the ancestral plant did not have salt enough to transmit the flavor to the younger members of the family.” UNSCARED. Srort—'Say, young feller, you'd better let that dog alone. * Boy—" Yah! wat’s de matter wid you? I ain't goin’ to hurt yer dog!” 3. Afiss Putonairs Washingtona—* Because it did not choose to absorb any salinity from the vulgar herd of particles in the sur- rounding earth.” 4. Miss Interesta New Forka—‘' Because the salt was squeezed out before it got in, like a Broadway dividend.” 5. Mile, La Fille de St. Louis—‘ Because whatever salt it had went somewhere else.” 6. Miss Frigidus Montreal—“ It doesn’t; frozen turnips take more.” 7. Miss Inahurria Chicagoana—“ Because it’s eaten before it’s grown.” 8. Miss Stayathoma Cincinnatiensis—“ Because it chose to go without.” 9. Miss Concisa Omaha— Because it’s so fresh.” 10, Miss Contradicta San Francisca—“ Because it doesn't.” tr, Miss Countriani Vermonti—*’Cause it’s good.” 12, Miss Vankina Connecticuto—* Does it?” AN INDUCEMENT FOR CHARITY. “Say, boss, won't you help a poor veteran of the war, an old one-armed soldier?” ‘Owser—What! Help a man who fit agin us!” “Tdidn’t fit, boss. I run.’ comicbooks.com