Judge — October 13, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD ROMAN'S ADDRESS. NOT HERETOFORE REPORTED. Mareus Antonius Thurman— “Friends, Rum’uns and countrymen, lend me your votes! I come to bury Labor, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Labor. The noble Cleve- land hath told you Labor was ambi- HAy{\| tious. If it were so it was a grievous j fault, and grievously hath Labor an- “a swered it.” 6. Citizen—"Mark'd_ ye his words ? He would not take the crown; therefore, ‘tis certain, he was not am- bitious.”” Marcus Antonius Thurman— But yesterday the word of Labor might have stood against the world. _ Now lies he there, and none so poor to do him reverence.” : Citizens—" Oh royal Labor!” Marcus Antonius Thurman—* Moreover, he hath left you all his walks, his private arbors, and new-planted orchards, on this side Tiber ; he hath left them you, and to your heirs forever.” Democratic citizens— Loot, loot ENGLISH AS SHE IS UNDERSTOOD. “What a plain hand your cousin writes.” Plain? Why, I think it is beautifully artistic.” “Yes; so it is. Legible, I meant. Her letters are really fine.” “T never thought she wrote a very small hand.” No—no-—the sentiments, | mean. Oh, hang it! Where is my Volapiik dictionary ?” A CRUSHER. AxniTI0Us YOUNG MUSICIAN (effusizely)—"' I had the thoughts and inspira- tions of the old masters in me when I composed that, professo Proressor (sarcastically) —"' So you had, Mr. Kribber. Your ‘composition’ contains a little of Mozart, Beethoven, Haydn, Handel, Bach, and a. score of other famous composers. By the way, what part of it is yours 2" 5 AN EFFORT TOWARDS RECOVERY. OYAL FERGUSON of our town was sitting on the cracker box at Garrick’s general store, _ making a free and original lunch on smoked herring and raisins, when Garrick came up from down cellar, where he had been prospecting for vinegar. Just as Garrick got his head above the level of the floor Ferguson reach- ed over and supplemented his meal with a double handful of prunes, and was about to serve a summons on the five-gallon milk-can when the grocer observed, You fit into the war, didn’t you, Mister Ferg.?” was Ferguson's thick and very much mouthed reply. ‘er git wounded ? “ More’n forty times or bullits ?” “ All ‘cep’ four.” “ Where be they?” “Pretty much located in my | “Well, my friend,” and Garrick carelessly swept a broken hour-glass and its contents into the sugar-bi guess I'll ask you to gimme a aps some of my property that =\ \ Wye A LOST OPPORTUNITY. Copatey (meeting his long time credite we you ten dollars. (Praduces banknote.) HOWLAND (folitely)—"* You needn't hurry, old fellow.” Concer (faking a mean advantage)—"'All right. If you don't need it I'll wait ‘till Tse you again.” (Pockets dill and walks off.) “Hullo, old man! I believe I DIFFICULT UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES. Mr, McGuinnis— Well, after O'Riley's objection to cremation ! see that his sons have had his body incinerated, and keep his ashes in an urn in the house.”* Moriarty— \s that so? his grave.” It’s enough to make the ould man rise in HISTORIAN OF THE FUTURE. He writes, and blood is in his eye, His pen with tury wields: In black and white he’s marshaling His heroes on the fields. He tells in numbers most exact How many men were shot, And missing, taken prisoner : How many guns we got. Now down the page he's dashing on, In words of thrilling power, To stir the blood of patriots With visions of that hour.”* “A brave commander in the war Who's been through bloody scenes,” You say ; oh, not at all, dear boy— He's read the magazines. A DESIRABLE BIT OF FURNITURE. Jawkins—* Want Softleigh to join our literary club? Why, I don’t believe he ever read anything but Mother Goose and the book of etiquette in his life Hogg—" Ah, but then he has such a high forehead, you know, and wears his eyeglass with such a very intellectual air!" comicbooks.com