Judge — September 1, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

QUICKLY DEAD. A PHOTOGRAPHIC FARCE, DKAMATIZED ESPECIALLY FOR AMATEUR Mother —" Oh, doctor! I'm so glad you have come, ACTORS. She—* He's dead—do you hear? dare ye He— "Then, shall / die?” Nhe—" Yes—no—of course—why not ? Dead; and you are alive. How I scarcely thought her pretty, T knew she was ni This saucy, laughing Kitty With sunshine in her eyes My greeting was not hearty ; In fact, I felt quite blue To find our tennis party Had dwindled down to two. But since the rest had failed us, What else was left (to show That destiny had nailed us) But play a game or so? We thought it would be stupid — With just us twain. You see We could not guess that Cupid A busy third would be! We played. Her voice rang blithely, Her dimples went and came, Her figure flitted lithely ; How weil she made her game! And 1, I can’t deny it, Was wrecked and overthrown, While Cupid, on the quiet, Made innings of bis own, ‘What merry talk! what chafing The sun was in the west, Ere out of breath and laughing We saat us down to rest My arm dared to enfold her, And at the daring test Her head sank on my shoulder, And then—well—guess the re So, luck be with lawn tennis! To-morrow morn we ship For Paris, Rome and Venice, Upon our wedding trip. She is not wise nor witty, Nor saintly nor di But then, you see, she's Kitty, And—best of all she’s mine. M.S. BRIDGE BOTH ABOUT THE SAME SIZE. had such a scare. five-dollar pie: We have just We thought at first that Johnny had swallowed a gold Doctor—" And you found out that he didn’t 2” Mother—" Ne: oh, don’t !—who cares He snatches a penknife from his pocket and severs a crescent seg- ment of delicious, pink-tinted nail from his left index finger with a tine Bertie. it was simply a nickel.” AN INQU VE MIND. amma, papa told me that those corners of the leaves of air of disdainful altruism. She starts to faint, but changes her mind, lifts — the book turned down were dogs’ ears.” her heavenly hair from the chair back, and, brushing it against him as she Mamma— Ves, Bert passes, fells him to the stage with a liquid, resonantal thud, then rushes Bertie—" Weill, mamma, whose dog's ears are they ?” off at left field. He sighs, gurgles, groans, moans, rolls, tosses, tumbles, crawls, creeps. jumps in spasmodic hauteur, and_ finally reaches the curtain that covered her cyclonic exit. In harrow-soul tones he pants: “Come here! Stay there! I want you to stay here—to go back! Oh, you! ‘Throw me your switch, if you can’t come yourself, and that cigar stub [left on the newel post last Fourth of July.” She dashes on to the stage backwards, trips over him, falls into his outstretched cigar-case, snatches it up, kisses it just 999 times and gasps : “Tm not hers Don't you see I'm not here? Let's die and live forever! Let's die to-day and love and live yester- day! Kili me! Don't you dare not to kiss me! I —Love you! Will you kill me? I will you, you know. By my penwiper, / will!” shrieks the materialized spirit of the future great America novel; and rushing from the prompter’s box he dispatches them both, amid the thunder- ous plaudits of the relieved audierce, who loudly entreat him y with them; but he answers sadly: My time is not ar,” and vanishes, STC If this last act is the genuine realism that it ought to be each time, the author feels assured that the re- sultant decrease in the amateur ranks will prove this play to be the long-looked-for answer to the ancient conundrum, Cui bono? ©, all ye politicians Who on office rest your hopes, Just interview the sheriff. He's the man that "knows the ropes. NECESSARILY SINGLE. In New York. * Did you see many tandems while you were in Boston, LITERAL CONSTRUCTION. Chawles ? - TRATE FATHER (fo young Binks)—" See here, young man ! didn’t I tell you never to en! my gate again?” Yousc Bixks—"' Ves, sir; and I didn’t. I clum over the fence.” Not many, Gus. They mostly ride hobbies there, you kno comicbooks.com