Judge — July 28, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

254 STRAUSS ANGRY. HE smiled broadly across the bar as he saw the genial Strauss placing lemons on inverted tumblers and catching occasional flies and sticking them to the sticky fly-paper. He said : * You do not know me, I have been taken for Henry Watterson, the great free-trade editor. It's a warm morn- fr. Strauss. I see you keep Rochester beer. I have been taken for Sari Jones, the eminent southern revivalist. Ha! ha! Yes; and once | was picked up and serenaded in Mobile for General Hood. 1 was taken once for” Strauss dropped a towel and two lemons and waddled forward, white with wrath, y.mine frient, you vant to know ven I gets a good, square look mit your face vot I take you for presendly ‘The stranger smiled a sickly smile but said nothin; “Vell, den, 1 dell you. I vill take you for a vheel- barrow und run you oudt on your ear. By chiminelty! SPOKE BEFORE HE THOUGHT. Pupil (in country school)—" Teacher, please what the name of that place on the Sandwich Islands right n Hilo? It's blotted out in my geograph College student (who is doing the vacation pedagox act)—" Must be Jack and the game I guess.” ‘Then all the younger pupils fell to wondering, « two big, rude boys on a back seat laughed out loud, REFLECTIONS OF A SUMMER BOARDEF ‘The pretty girl always has a fidgety mother. ‘The girl who hesitates is apt to fall into the pool ‘The pretty boarder finds little rest and seclusion. ‘The landlord keeps his thermometer in the ice-bo. There is always a better room to be had for a lit extra, You never realize how dear things are in the count efery fool dot comes along try to blay some confidences on me, Ain’d until you break something belonging to the house, you vas a soldier mit Sigel, or plowed up ina railroad, or got a leedle ‘The running water in all rooms has often to be run out of the pitch book or somedings? Breehaps you dink I fool, but, py crashus! you except when it is raining. can't do ut. Uf I vant you 1 vill send for me, | don’t care uf you look ‘The inquisitive man who goes to the station when the first train conics like General Ferdinand off Pulgaria: peer vas fife cents a glass, und all _ in soon finds out how the landlord gets so much milk from the one cow der pologna you vant.” The illustrious stranger scratched his back uneasily a moment and went out, and in the quiet which followed four more flies settled down on the fly-paper. OVER THE STOVE TO BREAK- FAST. Oatmeal must be boiled hard, at least fifteen minutes, then poured carefully into a pail and carried out to the cow. Beefsteak should be cooked, first on one side and then on the other, until done —done brown, or black, according to taste —for color. Potatoes au naturelle is the only na- NOT SO EASY AS HE THOUGHT. ‘The unlucky angler should not blan: the landlord for advertising good fishing You never find out whether there is malaria in the place until you return home. The girl who goes out at da with a towel wrapped up in a newspaper is pretty sure to turn around and see if she is being followed. JAMES JAY O'CONN ELT AN UNHAPPY SIMILE. Baggins (buying a pair of trousers) “Two dollars and a half! Why, they're too short; 1 wouldn't take them at any price. They'd be no more use to me than an ulster at a pawnbroker's in July Bernstein —" Nb, mein friend, i's tural way to treat potatoes. Rosner (outside)—"* VN just saw a hole in the bottom of blaine you vas nod a peezness man. De the door an ct the most tired-looking eggs for the door an the omelette. A slight flavor of onion will brace them up. Let the coffee come toa boil. If you don’t the head of the family will come to a boil when he drinks it Keep the stove hot and the temper cool. If this rule is reversed the effect on the breakfast is disastrous. PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY. Captain of amateur base-ball team (after slipping half a dollar into the umpire’s hand)—" are of the umpire and the put my hand in and open it without disturbing inderest on dot ulster keeps growing while you vas asleep.” HOBSON'S CHOICE. In a police court. “Prisoner, whatever may be said of your offence, | must add that the character of your accomplice is simply atrocious : he belongs to the very offscouring of society “But, your honor, what could | do? It was impossible for me to lay my hand on any decent man who would help me “No man can serve two masters,” I think T heard you say. The sailors on a schooner serve (/nside)—Quietly watching progress and awaiting events. Two-masters every day. A SLIGHT MISTAKE. Mfrs. Ransom little brother is sick, eh ? Herbert—"Nep. Mrs. Ransom—"W hats the. matter 2” Herbert—" He's got chick- en coop.” A DEAR BARGAIN. ™ Best wisdom of Experience buy.” Ropar (owtside)—" Holy smoke! 1 got me hand in a steel trap.” Ah! but the lady's price is high— So high, indeed, it passeth joke ; She leaves her customers dead broke! CUnside\—Grasping the situation, RuG comicbooks.com