Judge — July 28, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE UNPARDONABLE OFFENCE. “He may be a nice young man,” said a grieved young lady, “and I don’t object to a little flirtation now and then, but I feel as if I had been grossly insulted.” What was the trouble?” ‘ouble enough. He swung a bandana handkerchief.” HAD ONE. “Tom, I've bought something you should own, Why don’t you get a graphophone? It stores up everything you say. And then repeats it any day.” 0, no!” Tom answered, with a groan, My wife you know"s a graphophon UTTERLY UNSYMPATHETIC. Tramp—"Can't you help me toget a night's lodging, sir? I haven't seen a bed for three nights !" Wiggins—* The deuce! If you cart afford a spree of that length you're better fixed than I am. MORE TRUTH THAN POETRY. Found in a physician's album: “A. pistol sometimes misses fire, but a thorough draught never fails to bring down its victim.” Commopore, have a darnce to-night. this locality ! GOOD REASON Newsboy (leaping excitedly on car)—" edition !” Parson Hayseed (of Squeehawket)—" Here, boy, gimme one. Why, consarn it! this is a fraud. It's just got the same text as the carly copies !" FOR AN ARREST. Mail and Express! Last HOLDING UP THE MIRROR. Heard on the Rialto. “Lam exceedingly conscientious in the preparation of my parts B., the other day, while waiting to“ catch on” to a summer“snap." when I played Coupeau in * Drink’ I went on the stage as full as a g “Oh, that’s nothing!” replied the knight of the sock and buskin whom he was addressing. “When in the leading part in‘ A Woman Who Beats Her Son-in-law,’ I actually took the trouble to get_married a fortnight before the opening night in order to make a little study of mothers-in-law from life. Nothing like going to nature, my boy.”” UNINJURED. “ Was the baby bruised at all when it fell into the cistern?” “ Not the slightest. It was soft water, you know.” NO ALLOWANCE FOR SHRINKAGE. NNEL SHIRT; OR, A TALE OF SUDDEN SHRINKAG: ‘ond week, DF TH, QuONOG YaciItT CLUB (coming aboant unannounced) —"* ‘Thought mebbe you folks 'd like ter shake a leg with us.” Mrs. REGINALD Prvstex TeN Cowsioporr—"* Wall, though we fellers most ginerally git so full we couldn't tell a jack from a queen after twelve YACHTING IN EASTERN WATERS. ‘Our fellers is goin’ ter Eyck (frigidl)—" ‘f yer wan’ ter hev a little game after th’ ball, guess there won't be no ‘bjection, It does not seem to be customary to use cards in IT WAS ALL FIXED. “Congratulate me, old man! I have written a book and it's going to be a big success.” “Hm! you seem remarkably sanguine ; to be a success?” “ Because I've got it all fixed. I have made arrangements with several leading papers to denounce my work as rubbish, and with several others to accuse me of plagiarism ; 1 expect that the first edition will be exhausted in a month.” how do you know it is going A MISFIT. Grafton—Aw, Cholly, wheah did you waise that wi stwaw hat?” Baboony Grafton— THOUGHT HE WAS A BASE-BALLIS' * Zola doesn’t seem to be doing very good work nowadat to a New York girl. “Zola!” she said. .** You'll excuse me, Mr. Peterley, but 1 don’t just recollect what club Mr. Zola is playing with now.” iculous little Widiculous? why, deah boy, I had it made to awdaw.” The deuce! For youaw own head, or your-cane’s ? he said IN FOUR CHAPTERS. Third week. Fourth week. comicbooks.com