Judge, 1888-07-21 · page 6 of 20
Judge — July 21, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"The Sweet Girl Graduate"** depicts an uncle confronting a young woman about a serious matter. The joke appears to concern her romantic disappointment—she's lost a suitor ("poor fellow"), and the uncle sarcastically asks if the man was worthless, concluding "it's a pity you lost him." This mocks the era's emphasis on women's marriage prospects as life's primary concern. **"The Magazine Poet"** is a longer satirical essay attacking modern magazine poets as pandering, shallow, and financially desperate. The author ridicules their ability to manipulate magazine editors through emotional manipulation and weak sentimentality. The satire suggests these poets deliberately suppress honest criticism of the wealthy and powerful to maintain editorial favor and income. The piece mocks both the poets' shameless opportunism and editors' willingness to publish mediocre verse that flatters readers' emotions rather than challenging them intellectually.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE THE SWEET GIRL GRADUATE. SWRET GIRL GRADUATE You something JNcte THomas—* Wal, my d poor fellow dept his misfortune)—" Ve wasn't thet sort of cow re what sort of a cow he was, it’s a pity you lost him. “Why, Uncle Thomas, what's the matter? ir, there be something serious happened. THE MAGAZINE POET. SOMEBODY asked me the other day if 1 had read So-and-so's poem in the — magazine ? Of course Thad not, but for curiosity’s sake | looked it up and read it, ‘Then I read several more of the same kind ; and then I took a seidlitz powder and went to bed. 1 was a little anxious for fear 1 should not sleep off the effects of my literary debauch, but | did. Since then | have met several persons who hi into reading some of the magazine verse of the ds bined to forma society known as" The Anti-Sentimen whose sole object is to protect its members against the modern We have no officers, with the exception of a file- closer, stationed near the periodical table ¢ also been decoyed id we have com- lists’ League,” magazine poet und by rallying upon him in emergencies and forming a hollow square, with the women and children in the center, we hope tobe able to ward off our subtle foe. And he The modern magazine poet is as much more destrul tre, a foe to be dreaded, ive than the . back-action, muzzle-loading poet as the Aly effectiveness the double- The former yets in about seven and they are plaguey well-aimed shots, A man has to jump like a grasshopper if he succeeds in getting or principally she—is. indee old-fashioned two-volum ma barreled flint-lock of our ancestors, shots to the sazine gun of to-day surpasses in de: latter's one ; too, away from the double-leaded, initial-lettered, tail-pieced modern magazine poet Whence these sneers ? Well. have you read any of the recent verse or do you skip it, as the newsps b—b why particulariz n the magazines Have you fead — R-—"sverse? But for the critics do? A any ‘sverse? Have your Have you read magazine verse past ten years ? No? But you ought to have done so, deal, One of the things you have missed is a prof gratitude that there are no ukases in this country to compel people to weep when the literary czar sniffles. Who is the literary czar ? He is mortally afraid of dynamite, but how he docs love to encourage roman candles and And he always snuff-box when he feels like erying. This is why the modern magazine poet is so popular with the magazine editor. ary czar, und accommodates himself to them very subtly. Ab, the maj poct is a wise bird, and whoso putteth salt upon his tail loseth the salt You have missed a great nnd sense of The literary czar is the magazine editor pinwheels and such things ! He knows the weaknesses of the lit azine My best cow died an hour But why does not the magazine poet rise above playing it off upon the old of-the-sanctum > Aye, verily. Wh not the poor young man tell his rich what he thinks of him? Why the grand patriarch divulge his opir the goat? and the head bookkeeper s+ to the senior member of the firm, * Sir, | know you for a right courtly rascal Why? Because w to the tide which | accommodate ourselves ds on to fortune. “The magazine poet is one of us, he is flesh and blood, and his: pockets are just as empty as ours—aye. emptier! When tears be- come merchantable, is there any man tex honest to give the tears now and then? zine pot “ac a sly squeeze Do not blame the maya- only do not take any stock i him. His object and mission in life are to use the magazine editor and thereby keep out of the clutches of his landlady Hence idle tears; hence tattered senti- ment; hence impassioned nothings. Join the Anti-Sentimentalists’ League. Beware of the magazine poet Cave ‘possum. are looking awfully cut up about pata pasts REFLECTIONS BY A CRIPPIL A one-eyed man looks upon those al- ind with self-complaisant pity . there is much to be said together From an economical point of view al favor of a wooden leg: but it has other ad so constructed is free from rhe © veins. cidedly, the balance of good is in favor of the man who uses it The spectacle of a young woman pounding must be a very droll one to a deaf man, but if he could hear he would not find it nearly so funny Fore: limb antages ample, matism, corns, and vari away ata piano-fe Few masters care how the servant gets on so long as he does his work. VALUABLE HELP. Husraxp—" 1 don't understand why [| have to get up and make the fire with a hired girl in the house. Wirr—" Well, if we want to keep a hired girl in the house we must do any of the work. comicbooks.com