Judge — June 23, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

—————— LACK the day ! up. na time, not many years ayone, Within the city of New York a tittle Smith was born, He kicked and grew (as babies will) until one summer day He found himself just twenty years upor, life's stormy way. And then begam pis troubles dire, He loved a little maid Who would not marry him because “His name is Smith,” she said. “1 do believe one half mankind bear that same appellation, And though T love you, John, 1 must re- fuse your application.” The legisiature w ge his name for such a whim. 1 ew or they said, “and good enough for him.” You see it happened strange to say~ they all were burdened with The self-same name—that ancient name, the myriad name of Smith, » travel far away to climes unknown before, d-like explore their depths in search of fame and gore. put wheresue'er he came J carried there his name. s clerks in every land, the sailors on the ships, » tell their names they formed his name between their lips and the dectors, the nobles—yes, the kings, magic name of Smith with varicd mutterings. Jder and a weary man, he sought his native shores, Hut scarcely had he put his foot on Castle Garden When waiting for him stood the maid he loved se long ago; She started back, then efied aloud in tones full-fraught with woe, “If you had waited but one day I might have been your wife, Hut just a year ago, dear John, | tied myself for lif “What is your name?” Joba frantic cried." This is a cruet myth.” With downeast eyes she answered low, My name—my name-is Smith Five minutes later John was carried homeward in a hack, And just five minutes after he lay dead upon his back The mourners at his grave were few. He was unki But on his tomb in bold relief they cut, “Smith was NOT A CIPHER, EITHER. While Mr. Donnelly is tangling himself in a snarled cipher to prove that Mr. Bacon wrote Mr. Shakespeare's plays, let_us prove it in a simple way. Take the word “ Hamlet.” Consider that hamlet means a little ham. Consider again that ham is a correlative of bacon, and there you are. I's very casy when you know how. GETTING IT DOWN FINE. Johnnie was under a cloud. He had been given six lines to learn before lunch-time, with the pro- viso, no lines, no lunch, The lunch-bell rang and his mother called Johnnie, who knew just one-third of his lesson, “No lunch for you, lay!" was the maternal decision. * Please, m: pleaded Johnnie, 1 have two lines’ worth LACK OF EVI- DENCE. In a police court. An old “rounder” was brought up charged with drunkenness. “You were ina state of evident intoxication, remarked the magistrate, “Not very ‘evident.’ our honor, for I didn't nw a blessed thing Paxsutey ( of those pretty little maphtha launcher, and it endeavoring to make a trial trip COMING IN. Trincearn uisewan—" Hi there! What yer doin’ up there p oe Zincauta—" Don’t git excited. I'm on my way home. Been walking sack. Rubbins’s circus, an’ got stranded in last town.” PARENTAL PECCADILLOES. Mr. and Mrs. Worriweil were discussing the failings of the new domes. tic. “Does Jemima’s mother still pay her those frequent visits?” inquired Mr. Worriwell. Yes, dear; but in every case where depredations have been committed in the larder Jemima always has a plausible indictment of the cat. Now to-day she produced proof positive. She showed me the distinct marks of a cally murmured Mr. Worriwell, “Paw, eh? I confess | evidences of an insatiable maw.” THEATRICAL. A popular play with impecunious actors—* Lend Me Five Shillings.” One of the recent operas is “The Queen's Mate.” It ought to be p lar with the chess-players. “The School for Seandal”—The city boarding-house. Storm Beaten"”—The door mat. joseph Jefferson's favorite remark—" Let her rip, Van Winkle!” A Dark Seer Box-office receipts. Captain Bogardus ought to star in “ The Dead Shot.” A good name for a play—" The Plaster.” It would draw well. “Turned Up” is the name of one of Nat Goodwin's plays. It has no reference either nose or his toes. BUZZ SAWS. Wealth changes a man more than aye ‘The wise man h: foolish dreamsas thefool. The man who trusts toluck can never be sure of anything. The man who does you a favor never con- siders himself paid. The more risky the undertaking the more sanguine we are of suce cess. The th dream abou! ther off the nearer we get to them. When a man asks UNTRIMMED AQUATICS. another to give him a lift he always wants him about it myself,” Miss Cohnfodd as a guest)" We don't seem to go very fast, but the machinery 1s a trifle suf, you know. to take the heavy end. comicbooks.com