Judge — June 23, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JOE’S WIFE. AM feelin’ mighty trifin’ An’ right low-spereted ; An’ ef I worn't sixty year, °N" hed'at this gray head, 1'4 jes’ turn in an’ hev a ery (On yan four-posted bed. Wren Laury Belle wuz married I never shed a chear; But nen she wuz a darter ot “er settle near Lknowed her man wuz stiddy °N’ I didn’t seem to keer. But Joe's a marryin’ ternight, My on'y boy T sense right well I'm losin’ him, Thet’s why I'm gricvin It’s "bout like buryin® a son Ter see him wed, ye kno thet’s Joe. I'm sartin thet thar Susan Pates “UU set him “ginst his ma They no grudge agin her, Er wish ter pick a Hay : Lon’y jes’ despise her Ter be my darter-‘n-law. She's mighty cute an_prutty— Fm not gainsayin’ sich ; Her skin is wiite ez taller, Her eyes e2 black ez pitch An’ ef she hedn’t stole my Joe * V'd like the little witch. She's hed a heap o' offers A I've heerd my darter say. Hot never gin a shuck fer none Fill Joe stepped down her way ; N’ nen—but Joe's like me, anf Wuz harnsum in my day. ¢ well; I 'spone each mother Is harried jes’ like this It’s playin’ secon’ fiddle Thet makes us feel amiss : I b'lieve I'll bafe my eyes “a” go An’ in thet gyurl a kiss. KA WILDER MC GLASSON, NO CLOTHES, NO CLOTHES-PRESSES. Mr, Lafitte Santvoord—" How many rooms have you made in your plans? Architect Mr. Lafitte “ Fifteen.” antivoord—" How about the clothes-presses ?” Architect—" Here you will off every room.” Mb. Lafitte Santiword— po many altogether. ficient, I should have told you that my wife was a soc eon wo will be suf- cty leader.” AT OLD BOOK STALL, 1988. you in old bibles “We have no call for what used to be known by that name in the effete “What hay nth century. But we sell an_unlimited number of these” (hands out well thumbed volume labeled “Marland Express Texts; choice early edition, with the good Shepard's notes, original changes and expurgations in ful the list of his taboed printing. fice oaths alphabetically ar- Iso WANTED TO KNOW HIS HEIRS. “What makes you so fond of lawyers in the later days of your life?" was asked of an gentleman of large “Its perfectly natural, isn’t plied he, “that a man sh nt to know something about the persons who will fall imo bis property when he is 8 A SCHOOL - ROOM INCIDENT. School teacher —* You read Jay in your Caesar, Master Burchell, that all Gaul was divi- ded into three parts. What are ter Burchell (absent- aith, hope and charity.” Recent Lavy ACQuaINTaNce: (amrfowsty)—"Oh, T hope you are not hurt, Mr. Wheeler ! How did it happen?" Mx. Woreuex (who har just taken ah My wheel took fright at your turn-out. It's a Success is often more ruin- ous than failure. THOUGHT HE WAS ON HORSEBACK. der ttle new, you know.” ROMANCE AND REALITY, y colored and cheeky summer-resort advertisement,— And its fulfilment. HOW SHE DID IT. A Rochester school-gitl on being told to compare the adjective little, said: “ Little, small, nothing A COLORED VIEW OF PROTECTION. Mr, Jackson— trade Jet heah a pow'ful sight abo't dis yer doctrine ob fr ‘"p'tection dat’s ‘sturbin’ pol'tics dese days. Kin yo" tell me, Mistah ins, w'at p'tection am Mr, Jenkins— Ob co’se 1 kin, Mistah Jackson, ob co’se I kin. Ef yo" war gwine out do's, an’ hit rained hahd, an’ yo’ didn’ take no umbrel, yo'd git soakin’ wet, wudn’ Mr. Jenkins— An’ ef yo' wah de pursessah ob an umbrel yo" ud be a fool ef yo’ didn’ use hit, wudn’ Vissah.” Vell, sah, free trade ud hab jis’ de rumytiz, effeck on dis yer country dat a soakin’ rain ud hab on q pttection am jis’ de umbrel dat ud keep hit off.” EPITAPH. Here lies my wife. Because it gives Us both a rest A REAL ART Robinson and his wife were making plans for their summer outing. “What do you say to the Catskills, my dear?” asked Mrs. R., who was always of an aspir- ing turn of mind. “Nonsense, Julia! moun- ys hide the landscape.”* ‘The worse failure we make of athing the more convinced we often are of succeeding at it, “No, 1 thank you. comicbooks.com