Judge, 1888-01-14 · page 6 of 16
Judge — January 14, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of the magazine's format: **"Discretion"** is a narrative poem about a man's jealousy at a ball, presented with the moral lesson that his wife wisely counseled restraint—the accompanying illustrations show flirtation scenes. **"There Are No Flies On Them"** jokes about New York apartment living: a Philadelphian asks why New Yorkers live in cramped flats, and the New Yorker responds it's because they themselves aren't "flats" (implying they have substance/character). **"Where to Wear It"** puns on wearing roses in buttonholes, suggesting in windy winter weather one should wear it "on the nose" instead. The remaining pieces are brief humorous observations: a wife's itemized bills causing grief; a hardened criminal worried a missionary will ruin his "bad man" reputation by calling him "good man"; and slapstick scenes of rural mishaps. The humor relies on period-appropriate social commentary about urban life, marital relations, and character pretense—typical *Judge* fare mixing sophisticated wordplay with broad physical comedy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DISCRETION. IT was nearing eleven, I think, in the whirl of de Puystener's ball ; Her dress was a gauzy-like pink—'tis strange m ber at all, y senses were reeling in maddest delight when L saw her that night. For n Two dances I had ; like a fool I asked for the third, was refused ; Then pouted like some boy at school, and thought myself snubbed and abused, She danced with a man that I strongly despised ; Humph! Some villain disguised ! Prior oF caxat, poat—" There's old Hooper's young wife, FURTATION ON A CANAL BOAT. Ah there, sweetheart! Gosh, I suppose Td get it right in the neck if the old man wuz “round.” Then I danced with Miss Hoove, watching keenly the while My fate’s faintest. move, slightest gesture or And I thrilled like a fool when she happened to be dancing ne: ain that I wanted t fain would have others away. pprove of my neat little plan as she frowned Always by But she di o'er her fa but honey grows even too sweet. while and withdrew from the god- Devotion is well to begui ‘Twas well I was cool for deas'’s feet. She (my wife) told me this as we cosily sat in an old married chat, DUVVA MORGAN surTH. ‘The old man wasn’t around, but he got it right in the neck just the same. THERE ARE NO FLIES ON THEM. Philadelphian—" For the life of me I can't see why so many of you New Yorkers live in flats ?” New Yor! Whiy, just because we're not flats ourselves. Who's boss of your place at Philadelphian that is, when the cook’s out—I guess WHERE TO WEAR IT. In summer-time it is the proper caper Within the button-hole to wear the rose; But in this howling, windy, rather, ‘Tis quite the fad to wea nose, T00 TRUE. When a chap would turn over a leaf In the pondrous tome of his life, He finds, on that page, to his grief, The itemized bills of his wife. CAREFUL OF HIS REPUTATION, Hardened criminal—* 1 wish you'd keep that missionary out of my cell.” Warden—" Why, don't you like him ?” Hardened criminal—** Well, he calls me *my good man,’ aud any one who knows me knows I'm a bad man, I can’t afford to have my reputation spoiled in this way.” ‘A SUDDEN CHANGE OF MIND. Wott-ne svictoe-~ Wall, Ul settle it right now and here.”* Bu'sted agin. as’s escapin’."* Wall, I'm blamed ef this ain't ther third failure I've je. Tcant seem ter fetch it nohaow—hello ther: And ef I don't smothered to deat! out of this purty tarnal fast Iilbe comicbooks.com