Judge, 1888-01-14 · page 7 of 16
Judge — January 14, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of late 19th-century humor: **Main feature: "Goin' ter Stick by Father"** depicts a sentimental father-daughter dialogue in rural dialect. The satire lies in the father's assumption his daughter will abandon him once romance arrives—a commentary on women's prioritization of marriage over filial duty, reflecting period anxieties about changing family structures. **Subsidiary sketches** mock various social types: a farmer duped by a lamp salesman's math, a cook who turns employer criticism back on her mistress (class commentary), a convict annoyed by visitors' speculation about his crimes, and a society actress's name-play ("Sue-veneer"). **"Childish Logic"** presents a child logically inverting his mother's maxim about generosity—a common *Judge* format inverting adult moralizing. The humor relies on dialect, irony, and social observation rather than visual satire. No specific political events are referenced; instead, these are timeless observations on human nature and social pretension characteristic of *Judge*'s middlebrow satirical approach.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Z or stick by father tell yer purty hair is gray, Goin’ ter stick by father an’ never goin’ aws Sendin’ the fellers kitin’—so thet’s what yer goin’ ter do! Not thet I doubt ye, darlin‘, but we'll see in a year er two, Yer on’y fifteen summers ; plenty o' time ter Lring down ab When Mr. Right comes courtin’ (sartin ter be alot), Reckon yer pore ole father'll natchelly be fergot. ‘Then when I see the roses come in yer cheeks An’ hear a step in the garden, I'l pull up stakes an’ go; ng folks courts on the quiet—Lord, won't Look a clown 4 A RAPID CALCULATION. Salesman —" Yes, sir; I will warrant that‘one of those lamps will ‘ou at least fifty per cent. in oil in the course of a year.” Long headed farmer— Give me two on ‘em, Mought as well save a hundred per cent, while I'm ‘bout it HAD SIZED HER UP. Madame is scolding her cook. It really seems impossible 's to get decent help.” Quite true; and if madame herselt were a servant she'd be dischargel even quicker nor me.” A SURE THING, Two young writers were talk- ing of their hopes, their ambi- tions, “If I have not made a repu- tation by the time I’m thirty I shall blow my brains out,” as- serted one. “My dear boy,” replied” the other, “you're as good asdead.” HIS SAD HOURS. Visitor (to convict)—"' I sup- pose you have many a sad hour within these walls ?” Convict—" Yes, mum; Visitor—* What do you find hardest to b att Convict—Speculation, mum, on the part of visitors’ as to hether or not I'm a boodle Trratns-comn 1S THIS WHAT ITS COMING TO? JUDGE Fer company" Tryin’ ter love my neighbor an’ wantin’ ter knock him down, Then, I'l set in the kitchen so’s ter be out the lock fer comp'ny, an’ nothin’ at all pipe an’ lightin’ it all by myself fer Lord, I've set her a-cryin’! Tallus knowed I'm adunce! Thar, thar, pussy, look chipper ; I didn’t mean the half t Don't yer know I'ma foolin'? I jest wantersee laugh. Thet's right.* Lord, look at the kittle, a-boilin’ over Till bet!» Ye derned ole fool, stop cryin’! she ain't gonter leave ye yet! TOO BAD IN THE OLD MAN. “ Unele George,” said Sue, ‘may I have a piece of this mahogany Isn't Mrs. Footlite, the society actress, Arrexpaxt—" You may call it ager’s cousin for ai wufience las’ nig! fe caits sor, but wid two it workin’. veneer 7" Uncle George was in the furniture trade. “Certainly, my dear,” replied Uncle George; you may keep it as a Sue-ve of your visit.” IT LEADS TO WANT.:. Charley. -* Gus, what nieces: sities of life deprive many a family of food 2” Gus— Give it up. Asthein- terlocutor at the minstrel show says, what necessities of life de prive many a family of food @” Charley—* Meet and drink.” TOO HONORABLE TO DO IT. Mr, Bulcombe—“ Tell me, Harold, if you hear any com pliments about me from your sister Emily. Harold—0, yes; she said the other day that she didn’t think you'd ever set an iceberg op fire.” Mr. Bulcombe—‘* Of course T couldn't; she knows just where CHILDISH LOGIC. “There is more real pleasure in giving than in receiving,” said a young mother to her boy, trying to instil into his mind generous sentiments. “True, dear mamma; so I he man think when you box my comicbooks.com