Judge — May 7, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE CONSCIENTIOUS HEATHEN. conscien tious: when the missionary Ih Has eaten all t bits, and knows is well digested, s down, and ter; And never gives a single thought to any hot or cold hereafter. He acts according to his is liver— And for the blessings he has had he thanks his Tights—at least according to fetish as the giver. His appetite his conscience is, and that tohim is right and fitting. y should he be vexed or moved by theological hair-splitting? His ignorance is his defence; he needs no earthly intercessors : then, should he be bothered by the doubts of Andover professors? While the: arring with themselve his possible probation, He knows that he's no heretic, and that's a wondrous consolation, Why. about Deserying in the Tature near a lac K of his most generous : f the Calvinistic creed grows tenderer, instead of tougher, That conscientious heathen man may justly fear that he will suffer. EDWARD WILLETT. Ina practical joke is the poorest fun found, Because the laugh does not reach all the way ‘round. JUDGE'S FABLES. THE WOLF AND THE BULL-DOG. . hunger, and y had converted tothe want-of principles of an- archism, one night ap- proached a well-fed bull- » was guarding his welling. As the dog was chained, the wolf Za) 7 thought thisa zood chance . to air his principles. = Ows “My friend,” said he, + “we are all brothers. In of true equality dog and wolf alike roamed wild. It is bsurd prejudiees of modern times that have brought me into the old d only the may be true,” responded the dog; “in old times all sorts of follies were countenanced; but just now my regard for the safety of poultry, sheep and other property makes me a conservative. I think the equality racket had better stop here at my own level. So be off.” The wolf at this, observing that the dog’s chain was very thick and strong, burst out furiou: “Ah, slave of the capitalists! when the day of reckoning comes you will be swept away. Twenty-five thousind aristocrats’ heads will adorn the procession of libert: that exists now shall be swept away.” isc There is one thing that I wish were swept away to-night,” said the dog, There is some sense © This chain,” you yet,” said the wolf; “ what is it” responded the dog, ‘so I could make a martyr of Moral—It is safe to how] at a law-abiding watch-dog if you don’t come too near him, O. R MANSON, calls his about, to cheer well with song and laugh- UNLIMITED CAPITAL NECESSARY, “Yes,” said the young man, “my ambition in life is to get rich, to roll in wi nothing but an unlimited bank account will ever x cravings of my soul. * And what will you do with all your wealth ?” he was asked. “Twill take it to the Hoffman house art gallery and buy a drink.” . THE TINE Tu READ IT, Lady (to husband)—“' I'm to read at the entertainment this evening.” Husband—" What selection have you made ?” Lady—*** Curfew shall not ring to-night.’ I don't know whether I ought to read it before or after refreshments are served.” Husband—* “Oh, before, I think.” Lady—" Why ? Husband—* You'll have a bigger audience.” ‘A FINE PAINTING. Friend (to young artist)—‘* By Jove, Char! glorious painting! What is it, a su ‘a ‘y, that's a Young artist (faintly)—" CHEERFUL, “Well, Hiram, how's all the folks" nd the old lady"s been sealdin* lls, and the baby’s broke out with the measles ; but, “ceptin’ them, the family’s very wel THEY STAID BY HIM. Customer—‘‘Are these good stockings ?” Clerk— Well, I should say so. You heard about the railroad accident out west where only one man was saved 7” Customer—* Yes.” Clerk—“ Well, sir, when he got out of the wreck all he had on was a pair of stockings of this make. Six pairs ¢ Yes, sir. Cash!” WHAT IT MAY COME TO. Pension agent—* Want a pension, eh Applicant—“ Yes.” Pension agent—* What grounds do you base your application on?” Applicant—* T was never in the army Pension agent—* You may consider the pension granted.” CONQUERED BY AN OLD FRIEND. New Yorker—' Have you any new slang out here ?” Omaha girl—“Oh, yes. When we hear an old, old story, or some thing that we know is a lie, we say ‘chestnut.’ [t's great fun —but 's the matter? Are you ill ?” No, he had died; that was all. comicbooks.com