Judge — March 5, 1887 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| ime TABLE sore donk POMUCK KALAMAZOO EASTMUTMEG | Pee vince ee RR. eMpLover—“ I'm sorry, mam, to inform you are left.” ELDERLY MAIDEN—“ Don't worry, these years for nothing. you that the last train has just departed and that 1 guess I know what being ‘left’ means. I haven't lived all the imagined injury the pug of one of her company, pugs being so constructed that they can sustain harm without disfigurement—they may even be improved by it. “Tris not because a three-legged chair stands | well that one might it wonderful, but because it stands s a correspondent. ‘i new play, that one so nd inexperienced should write a play atall thateven her most partial friends could Pronounce meritorious; and not so because, as itreally is, from the standpoint of cold criti- cism, an extremely creditable production, and | one which many an old playwright might be proud of. Although Mr. Belasco coached the | actors, we have it on excellent authority that Coffey originated all the clever stage business herself.” ils of Fire, young CIVIL-SERVICE RHEUMATISM. arked the presidi morn- faithful secretary was rubbing his sandpaper pad. " responded Daniel. Do vou know why this confounded rheuma- tin is like my civil-service reform polic The secretary scratched his head with . Give it up, sire ht s he pad. he said after a minute's “why is it?” se, Daniel,” and the president laughed *ven in his pain, “because it has got me down.” Excellent, sire, excellent,” applauded Daniel So Lthought, Daniel. SoT thought. But it only for private use, Daniel. For heaven's sake | t let it get into the news papers.”” ever, sire,” said Daniel, with emphasis, as he resumed his rubbing.— Washington Critic. The Busted Merchant, Ob, listen to the creditors, through all the live-long day , ‘As the clacking of their tongues wears hour by hour away; How wearily the man that owes doth wish they'd take their leaves, While at his house and office each for settlements e'er grieves. To change a proverb strikes him, when ‘Through bankruptcy at last: “Those bills will never grind again The debit of the past 1" Consumption Can be Cured. An old physician, retired from practice, having had placed tn his hands by an East India missionary the formula of a simple vegetable remedy for the speedy and permanent cure f Coneamption, Bronchitis, Catarrh, Asthma and all throat and lung affections; also a positive and radical cure for Ner- vous Debility and’ all Nervous Complaints, after having tested its wonderful curative powers in thousandsot cases. has felt it his duty to make it known tohissuffering fellows. Actuated by this motive and a desire to relieve human suf- fering. 1 will send free of charge, to all wLo desire it, this recipe, in German, French or English, with full direc tions for preparing and using. Sent by mail by addressing with stamp, naming this paper, W. A. Noyes, 149 Power's Block, Rochester, N.Y. THEY TOOK THEIR PAINT ALONG. “We meet some strange men on the road, sure enough,” remarked a brakeman, ‘One day as we puilled out of Omaha I noticed a couple of wild, whoopin’-looking pussengers from ‘way out west, and they was takin’ good care of a of something or other. It wasnt whisk nor coffee, and I couldn't tell what it was, Thi took such good care of it I was afraid it mi be _nitro-glycerine, or some other dangerous stuff. So I thought I'd find out. ““*What have you got inthe can there?’ I asked ‘em. “Oh, nothin’ much,’ said one of the fellers: “don't give us away an’ we'll tell you. My pard and I have made some money out west in the cattle biz, an’ now we’ down to Chicago to have some fun. heard so much about paintin’ the town red, we've concluded to do as the rest of the bloods do, We're carryin’ one can of red paint with us, an’ we'll begin ope- rations as soon as soon as we get there.” an Ah, piping times, a piece I'd write on thee! The earth from all her burden now is free. Garnered are all the season’s golden sheaves, And maidens fair have gleaned their maple leaves ; "Mid heavy volumes lay they now betwee They've passed away and will no more be Now, last of all, O Auturmn sight most rari See Cleveland testing squashes at the fair. —Buffalo Express. The negro who is on the Democratic state ticket in Kansas must be reminde:l of the days before the war when he sees his name print d at the head of the party papers in this style: |‘ W. D, Kelley (colored).""—Buffulo Express, A South Carolina darkey who was bitten o finger of the right hand by a rattlesnake he up and muttered : “Jis' my luck agin. It it wa on the lef hand Icould chop it off an’ tie up de hand ; as it am on the right hand ['ze got to drink four bits’ wuth of whisky an’ lose a day's work.""—Detroit Weekly. ITS GREAT SUCCESS. Among the journalistic successes of the day the JuDGE may now be reckoned. It has more than quadrupled its circulation J and has been immensely improved at every point under the enterprising business managenient of its president, Wm. J. Arkell, The editorial and artistic conduct of the paper has also been greatly improved. Mr. Isaac Gregory is in his right place. sitting in kindly judgment on the foibles, faults and follies of the weak, wicked and wobbling children of Adam in this genera- tion. The artists, Gillam, Zimmerman and their assistants, are doing better work than ever before.—Saratoga Journal. Are You Making Money? ‘There is no reason why you shonld not make large sume of money if you are able to work. All you need is the right Kind of employment or busines. Write to Hallett & Co., Portland, Maine, and they will send you, free, full inform tion about work that you can do and live at home, where you are located, earning thereby fi And upwards. Capital not required Either sex: allages. Better not delay ‘SHE WOU.D FIND OUT. “Is Miss Brewster in?” Servant—“' No, sir.” De Garmo— When will she return?” Servant—* Wait a minute, sir, and I'll ask her.” THE WONDERFUL SUC ESS Of Claremont Oolony is due to the unusual inducements offered by the J. F. Mancha, Raymond, Surry Co., Va. | Water for the Upper Floors of City and Country Residences WATER FOR LAWNS AND GARDENS. Both the Ericsson and Riper Hot- Air Pumping - Engines (orith recent improvements) Are made by the DELAMATER IRON WORKS, Foot of West 18th 8t., New York. ERICSSON, Down town Office, 21 Cortland Street.