Judge — January 8, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FORGETFULNESS. Sas | I've forgotten all my Latin And the little I knew of Greek: | I seldom know the day of the month Or yet the day of the week. Ican never remember names ‘And I can't remember faces. h i forget to keep engagements; I forget to catch the train; Forget to take an umbrella When there's every sign of rain. I forget to wind my watch, I forget to answer letters ; t the president's maiden name; netimes forget my debtors. Of dates, and things like that, And when I borrow money Forget to pay it back. In short [can't remember The thousand things I should, Because upon a single point My memory’s all too good. ‘Tis this (and naught, I know, make a man feel glummer), forget that girl I met And flirted with last summer. Teas ner,” said a mother in achiding tone of voice | North river. | since the pool-sellers have settled to her litt! young la le daughter. ‘You will soon be a| scribed. ‘In a case ob dat kin’, sah, I's don't Vink I wud trus m’self.” THE WAY OF THE WORLD, * Law has always been a queer thing,” philosophized old Bugsby. “When 4 man is hanged it al- lows him twenty or thirty dollars for a suit of clothes, but wouldn't | appropriate a single cent to give | him a decent burial, or indeed to save his life.” AN HONEST GROCER. “ What's your lemons ¢” asked Mrs, Pugwash quizzically. “Only two for five cents, mum,” said the grocer, who was not well up in the language. “Uf that’s all you'll give for fivecents,” replied Mrs. Pugwash, | mystifying him, “I'M try an- | other shop.” AN APPROPRIATE CHANGE. “What place is that ?” asked a stranger who was crossing the “Well,” replied the deckhand, “that used to be called Hoboken; there most of the boys call it Gobroken.” No, gentle reader! the old chestnut about the death of a mother-in-law. ply an ecstatic plumber who has just been informed that the late severe weather “ has burst the pipes everywhere.” This is not in any way connected with It is sim- _ REFUSED, At college I would oft decline Such simple words as * pater,’ But now I've left those classic walls And time is waxing later, I find that things are changed, and see The * pater’ now declining me. JUST BY. ACCIDENT. The father went to clean his gun, And on the impulse, just for fun, He aimed it at his little son, A red-cheexed, curly-headed boy, BP. B. Whose blue eyes smiled at him in joy. To think a chance may all destroy ! An instant, and the hainmer fell! That lovely boy was—dare I tell? Unharmed! It wasn't loaded. Well? ‘ALL FOR HIS BENEFIT. Jones—*I tell you I saw some good acting | last night.” Smith—“ Well, it’s more than I did, I can | tell you.” Jones—* To be sure, my dear boy; but you were at the theatre, while I spent the evening in a tete-a-tete with Mrs. Mashem.” HIS NAME WAS MENTIONED, Candidate for place- you say my name was mentioned in connection with the position ?” Politician—‘ Oh, yes, your name was men- tioned.” Candidate for place—'‘ How did they seem | to feel about it 1” Politician— They said you couldn't have it under any consideration.” “If that's so, ma,” replied j the little tot rather sneptic- ally, “don't you think it is about time that my bustle was beginning to grow 1” TENDER SPOT. “T’sheer, Brudder Johnson,” said the minister, ‘dat yo’ k de trew spirut ob Chris- tun chari Am dat so?” “T's don't 'xactly compre- hend de quessun,” replied old Johnson, not liking the way ngs were drifting. # continued the mi “let ine gib you’ ’xam- Subbose dere wus a room full ob gold, wid no un to watch it; would yo’ hab faith ‘nuff in de ‘tegrity ob your brudder chu'ch-member to trus’ him in dere alone ?” Dat am a quessun, an’ no mistake,” replied old Johnson, his mouth watering at the thought of the picture just de- ABSORPTION. Wire— How many times hab I got toe tell yo’ to git away from dat oven? You am absorbin’ all de heat; dar won't be ‘nough lef’ to cook de ‘ suppah wif.’ ” CAUSE FOR JOY, Dickens—'* What does the doctor say about your case?” Henshaw—‘ He says it is hopeless, and declines to take hold of it.” Dickens—‘ Good ! life is saved.” DIDN'T LIVE THERE. Lawyer—* Now, you say | you've know this couple for years i” Witness—"' Yes, sir.” Lawyer—‘ Ever seen them quarrel 2” Witness—*‘ Never.” Lawyer—" They've always \ lived together in unity, eh ?” Witness—** No, sir; in Swampsville; that’sabout four miles from Unity Your REFLECTION OF A TRAMP, A suit of clothes begins to wear thin just as the cold weather comes on.