Judge — January 8, 1887 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oe ee throw no stones at Henry M. Stan! If he | derbilts, the Astors, and the rest of us. A man good lecturer he would hi failed | has plenty only when he dies, and then he has as an explore lecturers enough. | plenty merely peas he os i ory any of i ———— away with him. He could have plenty only PLAVING OY THE GOLDEN HARP. when he has taken all that his neighbor had, With Morrison and Hund out in the cold;/#nd then he would want to buy out the indi- with Carlisle saved by the cuticle of his teeth; vidual whose land adjoined the neighbors. with free-trader shrieking that there is no think as free trade, and with every pro- tection Democrat calling upon Sam Randall to come to the front, it would appear that the Democratic side of the tariff question had gone to be an aut had been EMBRACING THE OPPORTUNITY. CRIME HAS NO SEX. reat effort is being made by some senti- tal twaddlers to encourage murder by women by abolishing the proper punishment for that crime, and they might easily be in better business. In behalf of good women | everywhere it must be insisted that the sauce swerved to the criminal gander shall be served to the criminal goose as well. There is no other safe way. JUSTICE FOR WOMEN TOO, The JupGe wants to commend Governor Hill for his action in the case of Mrs, Druse. . A nvspite was all the woman and her sympa-| ‘Hello, old fellow ! thizers could reasonably ask for ; and mean. | since we met. Bless you! Long time | | B | It does his is a rare treat—to meet an old know that he and so unexpected.” | friend while if the legislature wants to outrage public sentiment by enacting that no murderess shall be hanged let it asstme that dangerous responsi- bility, If the woman had granted her husband a respite she might even ask for a commuta- tion of sentence ; but she didn't, you know— she didn't i NO REWARD FOR JO! says the labor party will} surely have a candidate for president in 1888. If they want to put up their ablest, least unsel- fish man. and the man who above all others ficed money and given hard work to the | nas well whom they have y will put the standard in| winton’s hands and work for him with force and earnestness at their command. y won't. They find it easy to forget | whenever he is out of sight, and if | didn’t stumble over him occasionally | wouldn't know that such a man ever John other hearts, IT WILL NOT DO. are permitted to vote they will not join the i other parties, but will have a nice little party IMPOSSIBLE—QUITE IMPOSSIBLE. of their, ow Many papers spoke during the holidays of | * people who have plenty.” ‘There are nosuch | people. There was never yeta man who didn’t reach out for more. It is a custom of the Van- wumps enough. —Even though it strikes sadness and dismay to Susan B. Anthony says that when women A rather unfortunate admission, | good lady. The right to vote must be won, if | it is won, by an understanding with one of the prevailing organizations; and besides that, and far more important, this country has mug- ‘A FIFTEEN PUZZLE. 1, Why does the hair always turn up in the guest's butter. 2. Why does a team always reach a street crossing just in time to cut off a pedestrian ? 3. What is it that invariably makes a man’s shoestring untie when he is in a particular hurry ? 4. Why does a man want to sneeze whenever an impressive silence settles upon a large assembly. 5. Why does the left glove always get on the right hand the dark ? 6. Why does a collar-button, nine times out of ten, go out of the way to roll under a heavy piece of furniture? 7. Why is it that you always step out on the street just in time to meet the man you don't want to? 8, What makes the snow stick to a roof like grim death until somebody comes by for it to fall 9. Why don’t « man’s suspenders give way, sometimes, when he is humping himself in solitude ? 10. Why is it that when you are looking for ‘a newspaper of a particular date you can find every issue for the past three months except jthe one you want But the best of friends must part— 11, What makes a dog always bark at you when you are in an exceptionally snarling mood yourself ? 12. Why does your nose always begin to itch the mcment you get both hands full and can’t attend to it? 13. How does it happen that a man’s latch- key is invariably in his pocket when he comes home early and in the house when he comes home late ¢ 14. A man can carry an old stub of a lead- pencil in a pocket with a hole in it for six months, but if he buys a gold-mounted stylo- graphic pen and fastens it in his inside pocket with a patent safety holder, he loses it inside of a week—why ? 15. Why is it that when a man forgets to do something important it always comes back to him just in time to wring his very soul and 'ram his heart up into his jaws, but just too | late to rush off and do it? Oh, why ? PAUL PASTNOR. NOT A DIFFICULT DIALECT. :| Bertie—‘Say, Mr. De Garmo, is it hard to | talk the way you do 7” De Garmo—‘ What do you mean, Bertie? I don't talk differently from other people.” Bertie—-‘Oh, you do. You can't fool me. Pa says you talk the worst twaddle of any man he ever heard.”