Judge, 1886-12-04 · page 5 of 16
Judge — December 4, 1886 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of late 19th-century American humor: **"The Wishing Bone"** is a sentimental poem about a young couple sharing a wishbone—both wishing to declare their love. It's romantic melodrama, likely mocking the era's sentimental courtship rituals. **"A Vain Reform"** mocks women's dress reform movements (corset alternatives, bloomers, etc.). A bachelor dismissively argues reform is impossible because women fundamentally won't abandon traditional dress—even the sight of men's trousers would shock them. It's anti-feminist satire. **"Why Rutherford Wasn't Asked"** references Governor Foraker of Ohio and ex-President Hayes. The joke: Foraker's wife won't invite Hayes to dinner because she has no eggs—a joke about household scarcity or female domesticity. **"The Latest Invention"** cartoon shows a couple with wall clocks and signs ("GAS OUT," "DOG UNCHAINED," "GOOD NIGHTS at 11:05")—apparently a device to manage domestic life and courtship timing. It's satirizing mechanical solutions to romantic problems. **"Sayings of Mrs. Pugwash"** offers biting aphorisms about human nature and hypocrisy.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HE WISHING BONE. I stood with Kit, The roguish chit, Beneath the lamplight in the hall. The feast was o’er— The opened door Invited us unto the ball. She dropped her head And softly said : “1 took this Lone from off my dish ; Will you join me And break to see Which of us two will havethe wish?” Her blushes came, And mine the same, The while I wish and tates invoke That I may dare Some day declare “My love—The bone it bent and broke. | I culprit stand With bone in hand— The fragile thing is now undone, ‘And pretty Kit, ‘The roguish chit, She softly said, * Your wish is won.” “Ah! pretty maid, I'm sore afraid TU have to tell my wish to you. I wished that I Might bye and bye Declare my love as lovers do.” te le fee 8 “ And I wished just the same thing too.” iH, 8, KELLER. Atlanta, though a small city, has more jugglers than Calcutta, To deliver a telegram within four blocks of a Broadway office takes more time than ty send one to Philadelphia or—Harlem. A VAIN REFORM, “What do you think of the move- ment in favor of a reform in woman's dress t” asked a strong-minded female of a surly old bachelor. “Don’t think any thing of it,” was the crabbed reply. “It will never come to pass as long as woman is woman.” “What do you mean by that, sir ¢” she asked. “T mean,” reiterated the old gentle- man, “that nine-tenths of the women would go off in a fit if they woke up in the night and happened to see a pair of breeches hanging across the back of a chair.” WHY RUTHERFORD WASN'T ASKED. ** My dear,” said Governor Foraker of Ohio, to his wife, Mr. Hayes is to be in town to-day, and I thought I'd ask him up to dinner.” “You mean the ex-president ?” “Don’t do it, Forky; I haven't an egg in the house.” A TERRIBLE THREAT. Mother—'‘Now, Bertie, it's very wrong in you to disobey me as you do.” Bertie— Yes'm.” Mother—‘‘ I'm afraid I shall have to adopt strict measures with you,” The very next time you don’t mind you will have to go to bed barefoot.” TIT FOR TAT. She—""I wonder who that good-looking woman is over in that box @” He—Oh, that's my wife. is with her ¢” She—‘Oh, that's my husband.” I wonder who that good-looking fellow ‘An idea which we cheerfully present to the patient fathers of engaged daughters. ‘SAYINGS OF MRS. PUGWA3H. Aroving blade —A razor. Never speak toyourself when anyone is near. It is hard to think a person sincere who dif- fers from us, The biggest spool hasn’t al- ways the most cotton on it. Some people would sooner |help a stranger than a friend. | Some people never use a speaking -tube except as eaves- droppers. p34 vip lt Theman with the most debts is generally the least troubled about them. Morrison at last has his re- ward—his bill is perfectly hor- izontal this time.