Judge — October 9, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

exert himself as a conductor to get first money in a bout with the bell-punch. My son, if you cannot chop you can pick up chips. J. A. WALDRON. THE CAUSE OF IT. ' “I knew that George's short-comings would be the ruin of him,” said the widow when informed that her husband been made away with in the far west. ‘It was on uc count of his short-comings, wasn't it ¢” “Ye-es,” responded the cowboy, who was deputed to explain all very gently to her; s, he come three feet short of touching the ground.” AFTER THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY. | A friend of the family takes the father of the bride asi and says : | Do you know that your son-in-law is a ruined man— perfectly overwhelmed with debts 7” | * No, you don't say so.” “Tam sure of it. In fact he’s only m daughter so as to be able to pay his debts with h “Then why the deuce didn’t you tell me so before ?” “What do you take me for? I’m one of his heaviest creditors. ‘A VERY DELIBERATE HINT. A lady whose averdupois was something enormous had just returned from a highly-recommended watering-place nd was calling on her physician. ‘Well, I've been to the resort you spoke so highly of, and drank the waters conscientiously for three weeks.” “That was right.” “Well ; but instead of growing thin my measurement around the waist has increased over two inches.” “But how much would you have measured if you hadn't gone ?” HE MEANT WELL ughter)—“ Mr, Welloff—1 want—I wish—the | wn a little seriously, am honest, steady and anxious to advance mys am surprised at the slight in which you alw: BaNker—“ There is no vacancy at present, except the chambermaid’s position.” poor Smith. He is a very genercus, open-hea ted fellow, and I'm sure he feels hurt at such treatment. You must have some reason for ac », L suppose 2” FOR THE COMING MAN—IF HE COMES. iow ai a eet rte prminedly ** whenever we meet the fel- MY SON, if by looking around you upon PERSPECTIVE. the activities you cannot discover acongen occupation, try the first thing th: It is better to grind a han ed-edged sections of ta against the sides of houses and public senti- ment for the casual cent, than to sit down and wait for a committee from a nominating convention to come and inform you that you are wanted to pervade a sinecure. Still, you y e lightning of sud- den prospe 5 if you choose. le you are one of the very few spectators looking at the procession, ‘er, You will go to seed or the penitentiary. Perhaps both, The youth who wishes to adjourn sine die every time a motion to work is made 1s fond of explaining that when he strikes his level he will hustle with the hustlers in Hustledom. He points to Julius Cesar, Napoleon, Benjamin Franklin, Horace Greeley, Grover Cleveland, or perchance John L. Sullivan to prove his theory that every man has a field out of which he never will succeed. There is about as much truth in this position as there is alum in the . analysis of the baking powder which advertises “ in our columns.” OLD PaRTY—"Get Of course there is something in this real estate argument. But, O down from that high my son, who can get into any field that offers any inducement toa ip : fence—you will fall and er without climbing more or less fence? Generally, the more hurt yourself; ple the land is the higher rises the barbed wire that surrounds the premises ; and the sharper are the spikes on the coping ; and the | more deprecating is the countenance of the canine within the gates. | ld have succee Imagine how successfully J. r might have collected old accounts on a pere + | or how infrequently Napoleon would have had to visit the same house twice a “Tain't a hi you was bigger wouldn't think so!” comicbooks.com