Judge — August 21, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN AMERICAN PRODUCTION, “Mother 0” Moses! must be a great pla Oireland.” 3 say the loixe? for we’ ve no cattle loike usually applied to the man who mar- ries a lady of that kind of adornment, ‘Gone to Halifax.” At last accounts General Miles was so far ahead in his pursuit of Mr. Ge- | ronimo that the angels were momen- tarily expecting to clasp his hands on | the other side of the great divide. | The Alban | great deal of Albany that legislature. We judge so aftera hasty perusal of the police reports of an obscure paper called the Albany Argus. Since 1850 the native population of the Sandwich Islands has decreased one-half. Retribution is slow but sure. It may be remembered that Captain Cook was killed somewhere | around there. | He was a cautious man who, petu- lantly detailing the injustice of a woman who hated him and being told that he must love his enemy, replied falteringly, ‘Hang the vixen! I don’t think it would be safe.” It is proposed that Joseph Cook jon candidate for and inasmuch as the pro- | hibition candidate will be beaten out !of sight we hereby proclaim him our favorite above all others. A pugilist who recently married announces that he has retired from the ring. This reminds us of the vas removed from a tu- mor; and certainly if he has retired neriky ; Ce hat. in | from it the wife has retired within it. that in | A tree in Connecticut on which Hui of the Court. Tt is a curious out the gas blows in his existence. at the man who blows Rollin Squire couldn't sell his birthright for a mess of pottage. Pottage, for instance, is | worth something. There may be worse men than the reverend Downs of Boston, but they must exist through a special interposition of Providence. If M. B. Flynn had been in at the creation he would have sold the franchise on the space | thereby occupied for an incalculable sum. The Miss Cypher of Brooklyn who recently rain away with a married man is not so much an unknown quantity as she ought to be. Some student waiters at Alexandria bay hav- ing struck for higher wages, we must begin to look upon that sort of thing as the higher ed- ucation. We must not expect too many luxuries in warm weather. The man who wept because | there was no skating in the place he went to | when he died n unreasonable being. The Norristown Herald wants Cutting to stay in a Mexican jail a thousand years. That's too infernally long. Aren't we to have the | pleasure of attending the gentleman's funeral? The original meaning of Halifax is said to be red hair, and hence, we suppose, the term | distraction and kill her by aman hanged himself is rapidly fad- ing away, leaf, bark, limb and trunk. Lest its example should become epidemic let us suggest the immediate erection of innumerable scaf- folds. Having failed to read Dewitt Talmage's mons on labor and capital, which for some reason are issued in book form by J. S. Ogilvie &Co., we feel that there is no subject on which we have more unlimited information. A man who committed suicide said in his good-bye note, “It makes me laugh to think Thave a millionaire brother.” It was a good joke indeed, but we suspect that the millionaire did. Without a corset a woman thinks she is un- graceful ; yet she speaks more harsh words| against corsets than against her own husband. So that to be graceful she condemns herself to the uttering of malediction which may con- demn her to perdition without any grace what- ever. They have twelve-year-old girls ii hang themselves when the best boy shows at- ntions to the other maiden. Poor things ! if they would live their revenge would be far sweeter. They might buy the prettiest bonnet in town and so drive the usurping maiden to ches. The husband of Violet Cameron was unmer- cifully kicked by Lord Lonsdale for interrupt- ing some little behind-the-scenes acting which was going on between the lady and his lord- Times says there is a ot the: brother enjoyed it considerably more than he Ohio who} ship. Asa manager he ought to have known that Lord Lonsdale was necessarily on the free list, but perhaps he understands it now. Mr, Tilden’s will is not entirely satisfactory to his best friends. Things sometimes happen that way. His will during his life was occa- sionally disappointing to the last degree. It has frequently been mentioned. Itis thought that Maurice Flynn will con- sent to enter the celestial regions only through a bargain with the authorities thereof which will give him the proprietorship of two-thirds of the gates of jasper and all of the alabaster columns, with special rates relating to the paving and repairing of the golden streets, “The children enjoyed themselves hug at the picnic,” said the Sunday-school superi tendent. ‘‘The plays were numerous and the refreshments limitless, and the ice-cream was especially good.” ‘Ice-cream exclaimed a listener with a look of horror. ** Good heavens! have you begun to receive statistics as to the number poisoned ?” In case of a war with Mexico we shall do our full share of the requisite fighting. We shall lock ourselves in a room and peruseattentively he war papers of the Century magazine. It the old battles that suit us best. There is sentiment in them as well as gunpowder, and memory is a better guest than the most prom- ising of anticipation. And there are new fash- lions in fighting for which we have the pro- foundest contempt. Mr. Beecher is a fervent lover of the beauti- ful, but he needs ckecking. Recently he al- luded to an English lady as ‘ta bank of vio- lets,” inadvertently utilizing a quotation that we have seen somewhere ; when upspoke Mrs, Beecher sharply—"‘ Henry! that bank was broken several years ago, and the man who mentions it at this late day simply violets the proprieties.” ‘‘ Well,” said Henry meekly, *T suppose you know best, mother ; but you needn't hollyhock your authority all around London and the suburban villages.” FAIR DIVISION. = Tramp—* Are yer fond o’ fishing, bub?” Bus—“ Yes, you bet I am.” i. Tramp—‘ Well, I like to encourage industry in youth: you do the fishing and I'll eat the fish. comicbooks.com