Judge — August 21, 1886 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PAT AS A SOLDIER. UNDER COVER. EGORRA,, I’ve jined the milishy, I'm drissed in the uniform fine. To see me is all that I'd wish ye When takin’ me place in the line. Shure, divil a bit wud yez know me, Wid belts on me waist an’ me chist, And shpurnin’ the ground that’s below me, Whin shtepping out bowld wid the rist. And shure did ye know that a sojer’s Possishun wud near break your back Don't think that it's lies that I tell yez, -,,_ Me arms an’ me legs used to crack. / The eyes strike the ground at ‘an angle,” The body “ rists well on the hips, The elbows like pokers must dangle, ivil a word from your lips, Your toes are turned out ‘till I'm fearin’ Some day I'll come down on me nose. but not shtiffly appearin’,” ‘The same wid yer legs, I suppc The “right face” and “ lift face” is fearful, T'm shure to turn wrong as I shtand. Farmer Sauergrass thought it very / little boy with a very big umbrella stroll leisurely down the lane that led past. his T'm bothered to death, tho’ I'm keerful orchard, but if he had been in the front instead of the rear he perhaps To fix twixt me right and lift hand. would not have thought it quite so funn The “‘drissin’ ” don't give me much bother, - But wheelin’s the divil’s own tasic. THE TURTLE THAT WAS DRAWN ON. . And the Grapes were kind of Sour, after “Luk one way and touch to the other,” Th i L But which way to luk I can't ask ; nee wae ohice upen atime a. barge: Sea Tim towld to push out in the centre, ping Turtle lived under a logina Creek. And Another one yells I'm too slow, she had a lot of Young Turtles, and a Man Each file-closer proves a tormentor, came every day and Threw Worms and And backwards and forwards I go. Things to the young Turtles. And the Mother aoe = Turtle kept telling them, ‘Don’t you touch | 4 new auger and a fool lazy man can’t aold those Things; there's a Hook in every One of | their own with an old gimlet and a smart, Them.” But the Little Turtles got fat and | steady worker, making holes. saucy and Crowed. Then the old Mother mag) Ishtood like a plaster-cast image, Turtle says to herself, ‘That man is a Fool | An undertake never afraid of a customer As towld, while I struck * parade rist.” and these Kids are teaching their Mother how | ieaving an order on his hands. Tho’ flies on me nose had a scrimma jto suck Eggs.” So she ia —= And put all me nerves to the tist. waltzes out to get her share, | “Fix bay'nets” son would puzsl and there was the big, fat ix bay'nets” 8 parson would puzzle, worm waiting for her, and | The blade sticking fast in its sheath ; she gobbles it quickly, and And, clapping it quick on the muzzle, the first thing’ she inaw sho SLOW, BUT SURE. Inear drove a hole in me teeth. eaatlel en The clasp wouldn't work, and the others was pulled ashore, and next | «1 won't drown ther poor beast. T'll Were “ fixed” long before I was through, she was in the Boiling Pot. | let ther tide do it. It'll not be on u It isn't the laste uf your bothers “Snapper Soup To-day ” was | conscience then.” To know they're all waitin’ for you. on a Nassau street restaurant * blackboard the day follow- ing. Moral—These hooking fel- lovely and ha Reputation for Sweetness, live up to It, fo ou get Angry you're Bound | to give yourself away. DUKE ALE: The “ right shoulder shift” and the “carry” Are plisant and simple, but oh! The “order arms,” by the owld Harry! Knocks smithereens out of ine toe. “Unfixing” is worse than the other, The blade to the gun stickin’ fast. A piece of me thumb, howly mother ! : i Comes, too, whin I'work it at last. lows jfced. the little» ones ta) The loadin’s and firin’s 'm likin’, jeateh the big turtles. Ive got the “obliquin'" down dead. oe Perhaps you don't know that “ obliquin’™ Is Frenchy for turning the head. THE FOX AND THE GRAPES. At Crademoor I laid in the daisies A big bunch of Grapes hung _And aimed at a bit of a blank ; on the Vine and said to them- Ti be a proud man if the praises selves, “Ain't we just too Were given for hitting the bank. Lovely 2” An old Fox came But, sl in’ e eyes i fi ut, shuttin’ me eyes whin I fired |alongand Humped himself to And givin’ the trigger a pull, | Ibanged the owld gun until tired, reach for Them, And the ‘And divil a “cintre” or “ bull.” Grapes said, ‘* Don't you wish you Could, old fellow ?” and Wriggled their fingersat him. “No,” says the Fox, “I wouldn't have You for Noth- ing ; you're a Sour, no ac- | count Lot, and I know Your breed.” Then the Grapes got angry and Swelled and puffed around until they Burst them- |selves and came Tumbling to the Ground. And as Sly old Harry puvaL. |Mr. Fox gobbled them, he says, “You can Fetch any- The average man will spend five dollars | thing if you Go the right way worth of time and trouble to get a twenty-five-| About it. Gab is Better than cent free ticket toa poor side show. |a long Pole, to a fox,” says comicbooks.com