Judge — July 31, 1886 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A WOMAN'S REASON. You tremble, grow pallid and pale— You'll ask me again if you dare ; Must I say “encore” to your pitiful tale, Ring up the farce after desy You ask for my hand. Do yout A woman's heart's easily ‘won By a fool who stands on perdition’s brink With no dollar under the sun? k Hat hat Ican laugh you to scorn, Go, I am done for aye With such distress and dire forlorn For a day, and a day, and a day, What's that Speak, spea' Acchestnut? Yes; but re Unlimited flowers and © the vow— ne THOSE WALKING SIGNS, OR WHY HE SIGNED THE PLEDGE. A TERRIBLE FALL. He was a tall, some, white-haired old man, but clothed in squalid rags. Palsy shook his prematurely aged form, I saw some- thing noble in this wree! 1d looked upon him with curiosity. “ Aha!” said he, “you wonder you gave on this dismantled ruin. Will you wonder more when I tell you that ten years ago I was the most eloquent man on the floor of congress? Yes, I was the psure of all eyes and when I spoke the world bated its breath to liste: But now none so poor to do me reverence. Do not ask my name. “Tis on the page of history, As you toss me the sodden and despicable nickel, pass on, 1 am a wree! “How fell you, grand old man ?” “Funerals,” he said sententiously “Explain yourse ler,” and I gave him a dime. ye, funerals—congressional funerals. surround: Honors were showered upon me in early manhood, and at thirty-five I stood upon the floor of congress. My career was on- ward, upward. My state had even talked of making me governor. In an evil hour I was appointed an escort to the remains of a dead colleague. I fell. I went with them. Our bill made a fall in govern- ment securities and a stringency in the money market. I had a head on mé like a Hubbard squash. What were good resolutions? I swore off, but another congressman died. I begged to be put on the escort. I was a howling maniac for weeks. Shall I tell the fearful truth? I at. tempted to push a colleague off the dome of the capitol so.as to go on another funeral tour. I neglected my duty. In the interims of my or- gies I was busy using up the umbrellas, cigars, bath-tubs, knives, and bottled nerve food secured at the preceding funcral. Man, man know nothing of the curse of habit.” “But now,” said I, ‘now that you are out of congress why not I was reared amid gentle JUDGE. l here is the wherewith to expedite the grow- reform ?” THE LATEST. don't suppose I'm a’ goin’ to w sich a coat as this 7 jot is vot is called de English * coat of arms,’ mine fryend.” He laughed a fiendish laugh and said, ‘Reform forsooth, when the sight of a hearse will stir the craving of unholy appetite and the sound of a tolling bell will revive every slumbering demon of de- and he laughed wildly. ‘‘Ha, ha! why, an undertaker as he n the street will make me go to ch: re and figur- ill, Make a ways and means committee of yourself, boss, and vote me another appropriation,” jously on him as he rapped on his tomato can and ambled around the corner. ye oe A sire !” passes me T gazed suspi HE'D BEEN THERE. M FIEND (reading)— A den of snakes inside, eh? 1 Te h i in my boots, (Exit, whistling comicbooks.com