Judge — July 31, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

are | would think a calf was ble: Mui of the Court. | A Tombs Ia: lawyer ever di has died. No other Tombs It must have been an over- Pennsylvani of whiskers. Which is the misfit, the baby or the beard ¢ A writer says Washington is noted for its brainy men. How long has this notoriety been going ont Miss Cleveland says that in Life she shall ignore the critics altogether. Very well. If she can get them to ignore her all may yet be well. The barrel is such a good thing in the whirlpool of politics that our Grover ought! to get Cooper Graham to make himone. He's going to need it. “New York,” the Philadelphia News, “is threatened with Ben Butler for mayor. No such thing. We get up our own troubles we don’t import them. Parson Beecher refuses to occupy the pepper- box English pulpit. He objects to being met- aphorically stood on his head to have the gos- pel shaken and pounded out of him. The Cleveland Leader says that if a certain prize-fighter lived in Ohio he would still be a slugger. Hardly, we think. He would prob- ably be an earnest applicant for some official position. has a babo with a fine growth! toilet properly where there is so much smoke and turmoil. heading “Torn from his Wife Number Two.” The man’s heart must be wrenched pretty nearly to tatters, We refer, of course, to the one that belongs to the second in- cumbent. The dancing of young Albert Victor of Wales is se- verely criticized in the Lon- don society papers, We must remember, however, that when he gets to be king he | won't have to execute his sig- |nature with his toes. “Thave come here,” sa salvation army lass, to ca! souls, not beaux. Undoubt- edly ; but the lass whoassumes to contempt for beaux isn’t going to win their souls —they have some pride, we can tell her. A bolt of lightning went through a pillow on which a young lady's head was rest- ing, recently, and didn't the young lady to the slight- Jest extent. Talk about your lightning rods! Here is the best invention yet. Miss Schurt of Chicago com- ins that she gave a fen irvoyant $200 to find hi ahusband and she never got the husband. Now no man is going to sell himself for $200, — Ra- ther than do that he'll go through life without a Schurt to his back. Fred Grant thinks Ferd Wand is worth | $3,000,000, and Ward thinks J, D, Fish is rich. Well, there is this satisfaction—they're earning the money ; and if the AN AFTERNOON Evangelist Mundy says there are no “bet-| ter classes” in hell. How does he know ? One can't keep his clothes brushed and arrange his| Boy on stoop—‘‘ Well, Jimmy, what d’ yer | A pathetic story has the 's anybody who wants —_ Beware of the man in the check suit, | to acquire wealth in the same way let him step | promptly to the front. A‘man in Douglasville, Ga., slammed his gate one night and found he had inadvertently ght between the hinges thereof a huge nake. It must have been very late, and the party he attended must have been unusually sumptuous and interesting. . Acontemporary recalls the fact that Mr, John L. Sullivan voted for Blaine. We ob: serve from this that our esteemed feliow-citizen |is neither a Democrat nor a mugwump, and really a radically moral man of that kind ought to be permitted some little eccentricity. There isa suspicion that Guiteau was hired by the Mormons to kill Garfield, and that |Corkhill was poisoned by Morme | probably not founded on f. f tance, that through some remark | oversight it never occurred to the Mormons to do that villany. | Thomas Nast shows that the Democrat who |hungers for office necessarily wants to sealp the goddess of liberty. Right you are, Thomas. We have long thought that the only individ who hasa right to possess that in: le ye ~ ing is the man who votes as you and we do; and if there is amy scalping of that kind to be done we can do it ourselves, d The western horizon gapes with crimson wounds that drop their heavy ichor on city spires and domes and redden city windows where the golden sun beats through—wounds that are not stanched till Venus, throbbi nd tender, rises to bind them up with love. from Miss Cle 's book. — It is leveland’s method of painting the town ‘A GREATER AGE. LANpLapY (at breakfast, throwing down morning paper)—‘I think them everlasting jokes in the papers on boanling-house butter are about worn out.” Griaspy (with great suavity)— Ah, madam, you can well afford to smileat them when your butter has so vigorously outlived them all.” LUNCH IN JULY. see now 7” YourTH aT WINpow--* They're a handin’ ‘round the ice cream now, an’ it’s made all of yaller and red !” GENERAL CHORUS—‘‘ 0-0-0-h-h-h !!" comicbooks.com