Judge — July 17, 1886 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. BROWN’S INGENUOUS SCHEME TO BOOM TRADE. Sandwiches and beer do not work well at all times, BROWNS | Resyawan ‘ that is equally undemonstrative, the country will have captured a long-felt want. LOST--SOME DELICACY OF PEELING. Three reports by the Pan Electric investiga: tion committee leave Mr. G: d between as fires. The one thi asa knave, the one that acquits thinks he must be idiotic innocent, and the third expresses. doubt as to whether he is more or less one than the other, The Evening Post thinks he “lacks delicacy of feeling "—a little trouble that some gentle- men who have lost their liberty are greatly af- flieted with and which has really come to bean epide not suffer from the obtuseness thus mentioned ; though indeed there are indication retention. of the p nt in his offi family that he has already caught it and that it must go the official rounds. If, however, Mr. Ga land should recover a little of the lost delicacy he would see the necessity of absenting him self by way of relieving the family. Mr. La- ar, for instance, hasn't any delicacy of feel- ing to speak of, and he ought not to be sub: jected to further danger. Some of the friends Mr. Garland should speak to him about) to say, they haven't lost their NEVER EXPECT TO SEE—— Happy are they who never expect, for verily y are disappointed they will have the ication ina rather dull world of being surprised and can conduct the consequent con- versation with the needed Our ar- tist tells of some curious things he never| expects to see ; and as for us we never expect to see— A jockey who values his own horse, A woman who hates another woman’s bonnet, \ politician who expects his own party to win, An office-holder who wants two terms, An indicted alderman who doesn’t tremble, A widow who contemplates resumption, A bachelor who is narrow and selfish, convicts treats him |. | patient being who holds a tin cup and wears! isa Let us hope that the president will} from his A governor who hopes to be president, A journalist who dislikes his rival, A drunken man who thinks himself sober, | [thereafter mostly for the purpose of resting, managing ward polities, and taking care of his bank account. His fame and experiences A banker who loves the Dominion, lapt him especially to the saloon business. A prisoner celebrate the day of independence, |and in due season he dies, bemoaned by his A spinster who presents the cheek to be) party and leaving much money wherewith to kissed, M the wealth of such | But the man whose absence of expectation themselves to the work of disput is truly great above that of all others as devote wills and the capturing the property involved therein. He sweet as well as a successful being, and a placard on hiscap. He is blind. He never his departure casts a gloom, expects to see anything whatever, and accord-| But the keeper of the fine restaurant, while ingly he should possess the philosophy which | more ambitious, comes up as a flower merely jdeclares that whatever —that is to say is to be cut downasathistle. The hashery takes unavoidable. toitself no particular style, but lives and thrives Jin one spot through generations, for behold it has not the napkin which offends the demo- cratic populace or the work of art which dis tracts attention from the nourishing pork and |tender bean ; but the expensive restaurant is reared in the morning merely to fade out at night, and the later patrons of it, they who fall and. partake of its closing cookery, woe is theirs. Who hath not watched | pand fall of these establishments, and predicted the latter as soon as they became aware of the former? Who hath not suffered -|from them and hath not physicians’ bills to show for it? There be three departments to the public business of providing comforts for the inner man—the saloon, the hashery, and the gilded restaurant d the career of the latter is more v {fearfully and wonderfully precarious than that of the other two put together. TIE RISE AND PALL OP RESTAURANTS. When the prize fighter retires from active i he buys him a liquor saloon and lives CONSIDERATE. IT SHINES FOR ALL. Dana (thinking he may be happy yet)—* true that the Crawford case is being retried CABLE EDITOR (placidly)—"* Yes, sir; quite true.” DaNa (elated)—** Then make arrangements to have the full details of the examination cabled over at any cost.” THE POVERTY OF BUSINESS, AFFECTIONATE WIFE TO HUsBAND—“ You say you can’t take me to Saratoga this summer? Why, ere’s Vitchet e's going ke his wife f Father wants three pounds. of steak there's Ditchetts—he's going to take his wife for : ** | the whole season. bring the money around to-morrow. : 3 : Butcuer—* Wait until to-morrow comes, bub,| _ Husbanp—“ Yes! but, my dear, Ditchetts has and then you won't have to make two trips.” | just failed. I have not.” comicbooks.com