Judge — May 1, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. Y (returning from a wake)— * th’ wa y to the Bhrooklyn bridge tree to Did Oi do it? Av coorse Oi did es, an’ di . Oi axed the the wurrud he'd anshwer Oi'll lave it to his two frinds there, so Oi will! Beecher admits, twent, looked with anxious eyes from the place of his retirement all that time. He felt that if he eould secure his release he had a right to it, with all the good feed that victory demanded. He had been filled with ¢ and nothing more satisfying, as he gazed upon the distended stomach of the animal in the fat pasture within | his vision, When, finally, he escaped his| bondage, behold! the fatted animal retai the pasture and he was forced to look upon it from the ground outside the fence. I fairly earned a change of condition. He had been pretty patient. He discovered that he was represented in the pasture by an animal of his adoption, and that animal was amiabl with the fortunate one and looked upon him with coldness and disdain. It was adding insult to injury a Now the Republican party went out of power because it deserved that fate. Its cor- ruption, from the star-route business down, le the strength of the Democratic party as four years. He had itself, and that 1 sible. Mr. Be reason more than for the reason th was nominated. It was not Mr. Cle that saved the Democracy, but the Republican Would it have been reform if Mr. | merely Mains of the Court, The man Boyd who has says with vulgar satisfac the Boyds, he is Oscar Wilde is said to make a very good hus- band, and we certainly know that he has stop-| ped writing poetr; The Universalist’ ministry women. There ought to be as to what to do to be saved. has. thirty-one Joubt after this A Norristown 1: she wants to live 125 I] have to liveagreat The World says the Tri As all these papers tell the truth, the statement must necessarily be correct. It is dreadful to read in the Arkansaw Trav- eller that Kellogg, our Clara, has, owing to the influence of too many potatoes, come to be “a fat sigh.” The girth of B. F. Butler, according to the Philadelphia Times, now exceeds the longest sword-belt. That is sad. Pray heaven we may never have another war. Cleveland had been given the chief place and all the smaller places had been retained by Re- publicans? In carrying out this principle where shall the line be drawn? This country has had enough of mugwump- | ism. There are two great parties and it is any honor to belong to either of them. May the} best of these parties win, now and world with- outend, To the victors the honors, and to the | rumps of parties nothing whatever. The} strange animal consorting with the fatted beast of the pasture cannot satisfy the outside one that placed him there merely by filling| himself. That is selfishness, ingratitude, bad policy and bad principle. A little girl said to a street child of her own age, who was knitting a stocking for her father, | “Ain't you lucky! Your papa has only one legt” A large crack has been discovered in the Washington monument. It has taken so long to complete the monument t we half sus- pect it is the crack of doom. Carlisle prayed for a man who would sing at his work. If the man had sung within the hearing of Thomas he would very speed! have been past praying for. Some members of the sal said to have bee for ten day kind aren tion army are in a trance in New Orleans so that the salvationists of that so very bad after all. an who chooses to be an alderman can y papers for nothing; or, better still, let him get himself boycotted and there will be the same result. The Rochester Post-Express says,“ Jay Gould is as honest as any highwayman we arried eleven wives home at 3 o'clock one morn ion that he is one of | * Willi ii } times, sir, I must study economy, |know.” Is the acquaintance of the Jost. | Express with highwaymen very large? David Kalakaua, king of the Sand wich islands, having concluded to lecture, we are again reminded that royalty is not only nonproductive by nature, but tyran nical as well. The papers say Mr. Cleveland wesrs a | blissfully suggestive smile. This does not jindicate of a certainty that he is to be |married, however. He may have recently recovered from a boil. . The Rochester Union doesn’t mean to hurt our feelings; but its remark, ‘ For a man to be handsome is one of the cheap- est distinctions,” has some subtle meaning that we fail to understand. The Norristown Herald thinks George Francis Train wrote those proclamations for the Knights of Labor. If the state- ment is true it shows that that Train is further off the track than anybody has suspected. Bishop Bowman says he would like to see | Jay Gould kicked through New York *‘ as long Jas he wasn't killed.” The length of time hinted at cannot be estimated. Very much would ‘depend on the places the boots hit. Mr. 'T. of a prominent banking-house res ng this we that yout” asked his wife hy!” said William with profound sur: prise, “ w-who else d-d-did y-you ex-p-ect?” A fifteen-year-old wife has been divorced from a sixteen-year-old husband in Penusyl vania, The parties should be made to wear bibs, and the state of things that made their marriage possible ought to wear a ball and chain, The Pennsylvania young lady who asks |members of congress to contribute the sum < the Sun lies, and the Times! hecessary to give her a sewing machine would not be apt to use the machine if she got it | Young ladies of her kind are not hard work: ers—except when they write begging letters Kate Field has reached that point in life when she thinks the pictures that represent the back of her head, neck and shoulders are best, and it is noticeable that her biographies say she was born in St. Louis. Mo., and there come to a full stop. A thing of beauty is not, therefore, a joy forever—it merely ought to be. One Granby of Allegheny county, Pa., sold is wife for a coat and a shot-gun, and the purchaser made off with his property in great aste, And well he did, for the deluded Gran by soon found that the coat and shot-gun be- longed to somebody else. We never did hear of a rascal very much meaner—excepting Granby, of cout COULDN'T AFFORD IT. SuBscRIBER (irascibly)—‘“‘ Why don’t you get new type? Your paper is so badly printed Tcan hardly read it.” Epitor (in extenuation)—‘‘In these hard Besides, the | last campaign got me into a little trouble. I consider it highly extravagant for a paper to |bave both a libel suit and a new dress at the }same time.” comicbooks.com