Judge — April 17, 1886 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. “If the party who found the doorplate will re- turn the plate he may keep the name.” Mui of the Court. The ship of state i sore need of Manning. A good many of our aldermen are either absent or in jail, but Garland still hangs on to that stock. Bismarck was born April 1st, 1815, The joke is not s0 much in his birth as in his continuance. We begin to fear that Mrs, Solomon is sad- dest when she sings; and as for Mr. S., he is a solemn'un on all those musical occasions. The Utica Observer says his scrap-book is Mark Twain's ablest work. Evidently the Observer got a pair of scissors with its copy. The Evening Post uses the words “ squeal,” “guff "and ‘ boodle,” and literary propriety puts its head under its left arm and cries aloud. Mrs. Sexton of Franklin, Ky., has been in- dicted for carrying a pis but she can thank her stars that she is sufficiently alive to be that unfortunate. The fact that aldermen give evidence for the state is very fair evidence that there is no longer any honor among—well, let us call them aldermen. Mr. Hewitt will retire from congress at the close of his present term. If there isany Dem- ocrat who can fill the vacancy thereby created we don't know Hewitt is. Senator Beck has the biggest foot in con- gress; but he is so timid, speaking of the silver business for instance, that he never puts it into anything worth mentioning. The divorced wife of Senator Fair says she isn't going to marry a California journalist. It seems to us that these California journalists are getting mighty particular. “There are some people who are always grumbling; if they escape from a ship-wreck they growl! because they got their clothes wet,” is a saying that strikes the Cunard people just at present as being peculiarly trite. The loss of the whole of one’s earthly possessions ‘in addition to the general soaking lends a little more color to the other fellow's views. Senator Jones continues to follow the De- troit lady, but with as little success as hereto- fore. Asan aged person of tender proclivi- ties he takes the Palm—or rather he would like to. Henry Labouchere says that negroes in a state of barbarism never kiss. Without paus- ing to enquire as to the size of their lips and why they are thus, we hope to gracious never to be a person of that color. It is a habit of General Crook to arrest Geronimo every day now, and it is the latter gentleman's habit to escape within three hours | after his arrest. It seems to us that the Indian question can never be settled in this way. Captain Cannon wanted $20,000 ‘of the Baltimore American for libel and got one cent. We dare not say that the captain talks too much with his mouth, but he evidently shoots too much from the muzzle. A man in Hoboken was greatly alarmed recently over the report of a new counterfeit fivedoilar bill; but, searching his pockets and finding nothing larger than a nickel therein, he was immediately relieved. “Chickens,” says a colored gentleman, “sometimes come home to roost.” We know of no more competent authority on this subject; and the authority might have added that some- times they are very sorry for it. Senator Ingalls once wrote an essay on grass, His argument was that all flesh was grass, and if grass should fail us for a year the world would be depopulated—that is, we should go | to—or rather we should goelsewhere to find it. The Sun advises the president to get himself | a couple of fresh, able and breezy trotters and | drive them at least fifteen miles a day. It will be remembered that this was Mr. Vanderbilt's method of achieving health, and he lived with The Elmira Gazette (Dem.) speaks with great severity of Edmunds's alleged indifference with respect to Blaine in 1884, even going so far astosay tl that the Vermont gentleman “can- OUR ARTIST'S WEATHER REPORT, FOUNDED weather for the states, ‘Wet and mudd, \dle and AUlantle not hold on to public opinion and esteem. Apparently Mr. Blaine has no warmer advo cate than Governor Hill’s newspaper. A man in France choked his mistress to death and then shot himself dead. It was quite legitimate, both parties having agreed to the slaughter; but if the processes had been re versed, the man shooting himself first, the results would have been far better. A World writer says of Dion Boucicault, “He walks as if shot from a sturdy bow in the hands of a vigorous archer.” Of all the walk. ing we ever heard of that is the most curious. An arrow that gets about in that way and a man that walks as if shot from a sturdy or any other kind of bow are curiosities that ought to be exhibited at such reasonable prices that everybody could afford to look at and admire them. The World writer, without knowing it apparently, has shot from his sturdy bow an arrow that hits the bull directly between the eyes. If one might imagine an arrow as a boomerang, or perhaps as a poisonous flower or any little thing of that kind, the World writer would have anarrow escape from im- mediate and fully deserved death. THE JUDGE'S LETTER-BOX. A. E, Davidson—Stay right where you are and in due season all will bo forgiven. Lillian—We look upon Solomon as the un- wisest man; and why grieve with the whole | world of dudes before you where to choose? Joseph Pulitzer—The congress of the United States is located at Washington, D. C., and it is in session at this moment, Alderman—You are right. The contract system of labor in our public prisons is pro- ductive of unnecessary cruelty and should be stopped. Buddensiek—It has all blown over, old fel- low. Build as many mud houses as you please and kill as many tenants as you please. This is the infernalest freest country on the face of the globe. Fanny Davenport—It is well enough to fall down three flights of stairs, provided you do it properly and with slight rests at every landing; but the fall from the roof of a three-story house is really likely to be perilous, there being no resting places on the way. Better leave that to the Kiralfys, dear, UPON BASEMENT-WINDOW OBSERVATIONS. FoF ayo, High winds, fatr weather. comicbooks.com