Judge — January 2, 1886 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. IMITATION FROM CATULLUS. I built myself a cottage | On the outskirts of the town, And feared me that a wind would come And blow my cotta, Nor North wind nor East Such a scurvy trick did play But up there came a Mortgag And swept my house away The True Story of William Tell. Sonyee i} Herrmann Gessler having been appointed | governor of the Swiss provinces, soon made | Eimself odious to his enbjects, ‘not only by his tyrannical acts, but by his ungodly man- ner of living; such time as he could spare from his regular occupation of oppressing the Swiss being devoted to indulging in bock bier, draw poker, and betting on the clec- tions. | An election was to take place in the can- | ton of Schweitz, which, having a large im- ported population of Celtic Sw generally rolled up a strong majority ‘agin the ernment.” ‘These Celtic voters were con- trolled by one Johannes Kellich, who w known as ‘der boss von Schweit G ler, however, bronght all the machinery of the administration to bear on the eampa in Schweitz; and declaring, with a strong trian accent, that the result would show | Kellich did not control so. tam-many after all, he boldly bet a hat on the | election. The result of the election proved soundness of Gessler’s politi fore: and when the returns were all in, he tered back to his palace wearing new “plug” hat of the latest Paris style. After celebrating his success by high revelry with his retainers until a late hour, the cruel | governor retired; and the next morning he was saddened by the discovery that his new | hat was several sizes too small for him. Ie therefore, presented it toa noble young Pole, one of his most favored courtiers; and desir- ing to display his new hat, and stir up the suffering at the same time, he his retainer to stand in the market place, a commanded that e' passer-by should bow tothe hat which be had placed vpon the Pole. Among the people was a fearless Irishman by the name of William ‘Tell. — His name ‘as originally William O"Loole; but he had changed it when he had emigrated to Switz erlat His natural fearlessness was now “l by bad whiskey and the fact that he had lost five dollars on the election, He refased to bow to the hat; whereupon the Pole rushed into the saloon where Gessler regaling himself with a free lunch, and im Did you William Tell?” No,” said the governor, ‘whom did Wil- liam tell; and what did he tell him? "—thus adding another crime to the long list of atrocities that stained his rule, At this remark a look of anguish passed over the Pole, who proceeded, however, to | ean account of the treasonable act of Gessler frowned as he inquired: “Is William Tell the man who took the prize at the last schuetzenfest?” Even so, my lord,” replied the Pole. “Then have him arrested. Place his son in the m rket square, | with an apple on his head. If ‘Tell can shoot the apple without injuring his son, let him go free; otherwise he dies.” | The orders of Gessler were speedily carried | out, ‘Tell was arrested, and the police went | the | ght; ine His Future Provided For. “These newspaper men are devilish lucky chaps, when you come to think of it. It doesn’t c ‘They always manage to get into pli ) many another fellow is excluded You think, then, there isn about Horris being up in He ‘Not the slightest! He a on a pass, you kno VERY Mrs. Bring C1 RK (2urcasti ; Mike ‘Tell, whom they found combining amusement with justice by throwing stones at an Italian organ-grinder. Collaring the lad, a policeman marched him to the market square, where he was placed ins nd an apple was set_upon his head. A large crowd had gathered; and there was much excitement and lively bet- ting. Odds of ten on the apple to one on ‘Tell were freely offered and promptly taken, ‘The sorrow-stricken father the string of his cross-bow, gave a hitch to one of his suspenders, wiped his nose, and then slowly took aim; while the silence so intense as to render audible the dropping of the the tears, which coursed down ‘Tell’s cheeks and washed the blacking off his shoes. ‘The suspense was, however, but momentary Straight to its mark sped the arrow, cle ing the apple in twain, and grazing the se: of young tel just enough to give his hair a superb part in the middle, which caused him thenceforth to be regacded as the chief dude in Switzerland. A shout of joy went up from the specta- tors, and much money changed hands, the boy rushed into the arms of his father, who kissed him again and again, until the lad broke from his embrace, exclaiming: in search of youn t them a cent to go anywhere. | from | DAY tT Snoopy (of Irish extraction) —““Please send that thimble to me address. lly) —" By express or Freight, mam?” tened up | THE OFFICE WANTED. together wed, wife, that should be said; tis for cur “ Now that w There's somet nly 1 at first be understood life as President lent be content?” ar For cert pod T Would you thre Or as Vice Pr , if L but be Currency!” “ Neither, my lo Comptroller of th (ono, winpsrve, OCCURRENC BISBEE. “Oh, | onions! |. The h ‘ather, Father, you’ve been eating ty Gessler now ordered Tell to but seeing that the archer still had an arrow in his girdle, he demanded his reasons for bringing two arrows to the tar- get-practice. ‘asting a look of hatred at the head-gear of the le, ‘Tell heroically ‘Tyrant, had I slain my son, 1 in- h this arrow, to shoot the hat!” » words doomed the brave Tell. He once seized and loaded with irons, Having been thus loaded, he was fired off to prison. ‘The hero would, doubtless, have remained in prison until his proud spirit was broken, had not Gessler desired one day to cross the lake to keep an appointment at a beer gar- den, which was to be formally opened with jagrand free lunch. — A storm Vad arisen, j and to add to the difficulty, the boatman was drunk, Investigation soon proved that all the other boatmen were out of town, How to cross the lake was the question. _ Gessler walked up and down the stormy shore, and gave vent to his disappointment in ponder- ous Teutonic curses, but could see no way jout of the difficulty J At last Tell was suggested as a boatman tended The: comicbooks.com